I Vlogged Throughout The Month Of April For Autism Awareness Month

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and are having a good week so far. If you have read my blog for awhile now you will know that I am Autistic. April was Autism Awareness month , so throughout the month of April I vlogged each day on my instagram stories to show what it is like living with Autism. After my first few videos I received messages of encouragement and support from people which was lovely and they continued to watch my videos throughout the month of april. I found it very hard at first to talk to the camera , I felt a little bit stupid talking to myself at first really , it took me at least 10 times to film my first video because I felt so embarrassed , I thought I was making a fool of myself. Peoples support really helped me to continuing making videos and as the month went on I find more confidence in myself to make videos. 
       By the second week of april I had some lovely messages from people telling me they enjoyed watching my videos which made me feel like I was doing something right. My husband is my number one supporter and he kept telling me how proud he was of me for showing people the difficulties individuals with Autism face each day.  I also shared stories about my mental health and struggles too , which alot people seemed to be able to relate too. I had a few messages asking where to go for help and wanted some guidance which I was happy to help with. I am always happy to people when they need. 
      By the third week ,some people had made fake accounts to message me , to tell me things that was obviously was going to upset me. I found that very upsetting and it caused alot of stress for me. During the same week alot of things happened in our family which caused stress and upset for my family which didnt help when my head felt all over the place anyway. I felt drained and I didnt feel motivated to do videos but I carried on doing them even if it was just little ones throughout the day. I started to feel better by week 4 and carried on vlogging my day and I was still receiving nice messages from people which certainly out weighed the upset from silly fake accounts. 
           The last day of April came which meant last day of vlogging for Autism awareness. I received some messages asking to continue with my videos and that they enjoyed watching. I wasnt too sure at first if I wanted to continue vlogging , I actually found it quite hard to remember to vlog things. I thought about it overnight and decided I would continue to make videos but not everyday , I didnt want to put too much pressure on myself to do it everyday. It really meant alot to me those who watched and supported me , all I have ever wanted to do is to help people and I hope my videos do help people even if it is just one person that would be great. 




If you are interested in watching my videos/ stories my instagram is
                                xovintagewayoflifexo




                                 Love Ava xox
                              

Anorexia , Being A Mum & Body Changes

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is doing well. It has been a long time since I last posted a blog post on my mental health blog , I think the last time I posted my beautiful eldest daughter Daisie- Mae was about 6 months old , she is now 2 years old already!!! I also have a new addition to my family another beautiful daughter called Luna-Rose who is 9 weeks old. You could definitely say I have been busy and had my hands full with a new baby and 2 year old who has just hit the terrible twos. 

Today's post is about Anorexia and body changes which is something I have been struggling with lately. Those who have read my blog before will know I have struggled with anorexia for a long time and is still an on going battle. Although my eating habits have changes since I have had my two daughters , i don't starve myself  like I did before I had children. My eating habits might not what people consider enough for an average person but baby steps I suppose. My partner Alex is a big influence of taking steps forwards rather than backwards , he knows my limits , he knows when I cant eat anymore and he knows not to force me or over encourage me to eat. One of the main problems when you struggle with anorexia is that when it comes to food the emotion you feel guilt. Alex has always understood my guilt towards food and consistently reassures me that I should never feel guilty for eating. Does it help? No, the guilt never goes away but his reassurance lets me know he is there for me and will help me through it. 

After having two babies , my body has changed my hips are wider , my boobs have doubled in size and so has my bum. Most people would be happy about there boobs and bum getting bigger right? Well for someone who struggles with body image it just feels like more fat to add to the scales. When I had my eldest daughter my body bounced back to the size I was before I had her , but then again i hardly showed when I was pregnant with Daisie-Mae , even when I was in labour  in the delivery suite the doctor asked where was my bump because I didn't look pregnant. When pregnant with Luna-Rose I had a much bigger bump and you could visibly tell I was pregnant , my body hasn't bounce back the same as it did with Daisie-Mae  , which I have found incredibly mentally difficult to cope with. 

I know I need to accept that I have give birth to two babies and my body isn't going to be the same anymore. 

I came to the realization of this last week when I was out shopping with my mum and daughters , I spotted gorgeous lace purple dress I wanted to buy , I dont usually try on clothes in shops but I found the courage to go and try it on. My mum sat on the seats with my daughters in the changing room area , I put the dress on and I had the curtain open so my mum could help zip the zipper up. The shop assiatnat who worked the changing room area saw i needed some help with the zipper and she came across. She didnt either touch the zipper and said " Well that is not going to zip up , you need a bigger size" My heart just dropped and I looked back at my mum trying to fight back my tears. I know the shop assistant was just doing her job and she didn't know I struggle with body image but it destroyed me , my first reaction in my head was that she was calling me fat. The lady asked if i wanted the next size up , I declined got back dressed into my own clothes and I left that shop feeling devastated. It is one thing to know in your head your body has changed but then too hear it , is very grueling inside. 

I am going to finish tonight post here and continue to update my blog as regular as I can :) 

Goodnight 

Ava 

xox

The Three Main Things NOT To Say To A Person Who Is Anorexic & Pregnant

Hello everyone , I hope everybody is well and has had a lovely Christmas and new years :) This is my first blog post of 2016 and today's blog post is about " The Three Main Things Not To Say To A Person Who Is Anorexic And Pregnant ." If you have read my previous blog post you will know I am expecting a little one in June. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and if you have followed my blog for awhile now , you may also be aware that I have suffered with anorexia for a long time. 

I wanted to write this post hoping to help others who may  know somebody who suffers with anorexia or any kind of eating disorder and are also pregnant on how to be a little more sensitive to support them throughout there pregnancy. 

Body

1. Where is your bump? Lets see it then...

( A person with Anorexia is already self conscious and mental struggling with there body image as it , pointing out the obvious that there body is changing makes them feel more judged about their body and feels like they are constantly being analysed for there body and weight. )   

Food

2. You are eating more aren't you? get that food down you!

( Many individuals with Anorexia are not selfish , so no matter how hard it is to eat , they will eat for the sake of the baby's health , no matter how unhappy eating makes them. Somebody pointing out that the individual is eating more could trigger the individual  relapsing and cause them not to eat at all. A person with anorexia often feels ashamed  and guilt of eating , so pointing there increase in food intake will make them feel 100x worse. ) 

Clothing

3. If an individual with anorexia says " None of my clothes fit any more "Don't reply with " get a few sizes bigger then ."

( An individual can be very sensitive to the topic of clothing and sizing. A person with anorexia is struggling to come to terms with the changes in there body and in the individuals mind going up in sizes means they think they are fat. It is hard to separate the mentality of feeling fat to being pregnant. Eventually the individual will come to terms in there own time that they might have to go up a size, but never suggest to them to go up a size , let them come to terms at there own pace.)

Facebook Page -https://www.facebook.com/theinnervoiceandasoulwithstrength/

Facebook - Ava Clarice Hornby

Twitter - V_wayoflifexo

Instagram - xovintagewayoflifexo

Love Ava

xoxo

Having An Eating Disorder Doesn't Mean People Should Avoid You....

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and are having a lovely week.If you have been following my blog for awhile now you may be aware that I have suffered with Anorexia / Eating disorder for a long time.

       Having an eating disorder often means people around you tend to avoid you when it comes to social occasions and events. Individuals tend not to invite you out to places because you have an eating disorder. I understand that they do not want to you to be uncomfortable around an environment where there is food. However not inviting a person with an eating disorder out can actually be emotionally damaging for the person with an eating disorder. It can make the individual feel like others are ashamed of  them.

   Many individuals with an eating disorder including myself are very capable of being able to sit in a restaurant or food environment with family , friends or colleagues and sit and have something to drink while others eat. If the person with an eating disorder feels emotionally , psychically and mentally prepared to eat something while out , they will simply order something that they feel capable of eating. We are likely to leave some of the food , but we are willing to try.

Comments That Should Never Be Made To The Individual While Out Eating

1. Oh you are eating something this time.

( Makes the individual feel guilty for eating )

2. Why did you not finish all of your meal? 

( We have are limits of what we are capable of consuming )

3. Please eat some more food.

( Makes the individual feel under pressure and forced to do something they can not physically do)

4. Asking questions about what they have order to eat and why.

( Feeling judged about their diet ) 

5. Do you want some of my food instead?

( Feeling forced )

6. You ate more than you usually do.

( Makes the individual feel ashamed of eating ) 

Knowing that you don't get invited to places because you have an eating disorder can be very hurtful. This has happened to me on several occasions and it makes you feel ashamed of who you are. Yes I struggle with food , but that does not mean I want to be avoided because of it. I have an issue with what I consume and put in MY body , not what others put in there body. Somebody else eating does not upset an individual with an eating disorder. However if a person who does not have an eating disorder puts food up to the individual with an eating disorder's mouth and says silly comments like " Come on... Eat it.. " is obviously bound to upset the individual. Unfortunately this has happened to me , I was left feeling mortified,embarrassed and devastated.

Instagram - xovintagewayoflifexo

Twitter - V_wayoflife 

Facebook - Ava Clarice Hornby

Facebook Page - Theinnervoiceandasoulwithstrength

Love Ava 

xoxox

     

20 Things You Should Never Say To Somebody With An Eating Disorder

1. You do not look thin enough to have an eating disorder.

( An eating disorder is not a body type , it is an illness in the mind)

2. Would you like to try some of this food?

( If the individual feels pressured and forced to eat the food it will back fire on the person offering the food )

3. You are just looking for attention for someone to compliment you on your weight.

( Making the person feel selfish and stupid for having an eating disorder)

4. Just eat more would you.

( Again will feel pressured) 

5. I wish I could loose weight like you.

( May encourage the individual to loose more weight)

6. You looked better before.

( Makes them feel confused and ashamed of their weight)

7. Why don't you just exercise?

( Makes the person feel stupid)

8. What have you eaten today?

( Feels like they are being watched at everything they do)

9. What is it like to have an eating disorder? 

( An upsetting and emotional question)

10. I didn't invite you out because you don't eat.

( Makes the person feel worthless)

11. You have eaten more than yesterday.

( Makes the person feel ashamed for eating more)

12. How much do you weigh? 

(Assuming they are fat)

13. If you think you are fat , then I must be fat too.

( feels bad about themselves)

14. If you eat everything will be better.

( Feels forced , confused , worthless and stupid)

15. You look healthier , you have put a little weight on.

( Thinks you are calling the individual fat)

16. I will make sure you will eat.

( Again Feeling forced to eat)

17. You will get over it soon enough.

( Makes the person feel stupid)

18. I am glad you have eaten something.

( Makes the person feel ashamed for eating)

19. Negative comments about somebody else's weight.

( Paranoid about what they may think of their weight)

20. I will buy you some food.

( Feeling controlled) 

( Being someone who has suffered with anorexia for the  past 8 years , these comments  have been personally made to me and have had a sensitive emotional effect on myself ,I thought I would write a little blog post to help people understand what comments said or made to a person with eating disorder could possibly find offensive and have a negative effect on the individual. However not every person with an eating disorder will have the same sensibility as each other , so they may find some comments more sensitive than others. I am in no means way saying that every person with an eating disorder feels this way , I have just written this from my own perspective of comments that have been made relating to myself having an eating disorder which I have personally found distressing.) 

Instagram - xovintagewayoflifexo

Twitter - V_wayoflifexo

Facebook - Ava Clarice Hornby 

Love Ava 

xoxox

  

An Addiction Too Laxatives ( The Horrible Truth About Laxatives )

Hello everybody , I hope everyone is well and are having a lovely day! :) Today's blogpost is going to be about my personal story about having an addiction to laxatives. If you are easily grossed out or repulsed by nitty gritty details about the human body ,you may want to skip this post as I am going to tell the honest truth about the affects of having an addiction too laxatives. 

   An addiction to laxatives comes under Bulimia Nervosa as you are forcing the removal of food that you have consumed. If you have followed me or been reading my blog's for awhile you may be aware that I have suffered with Anorexia Nervosa for a long time.  Back in 2011 I became addicted to taking laxatives. Previous to 2011 from the age of 11 / 12 years old (2006) I had taken diet and slimming pills on and off till I was 17 years old. In 2011 at 17 years old I became addicted to laxatives , I couldn't go a day without taking them. I mentally , psychically and emotionally felt like I couldn't survive without taking laxatives, if I ran out or could not get hold of any laxatives my body would start to become shaky and I would panic which would result in having an anxiety attack. I took laxatives mainly in liquid form ( Lactulose) from the age of 17 for 3 years up to the age of 20 I would constantly take laxatives in hope of loosing more weight. The more I became addicted to laxatives the quantity of the amount I would take would increase. By the age of 19 I was taking 500ml of lactulose within 2 days , my body felt like I would not be able to cope without consuming the liquid. I became reliant  and obsessive towards laxatives which increased my anxiety and I began to be aggressive in the way I spoke to loved ones. 

             The psychical affect of taking laxatives is not exactly pleasant. I spent 90% of my day on toilet because of the amount of lactulose I would consume. The pain was agonizing , my belly was swollen all the time , I felt like somebody was slowly grazing a knife in my tummy and because of constant straining while being on the toilet my chest , lungs , kidney , stomach and bottom was painfully aching. I had lack of sleep at night due to running to the toilet regularly. I sat at night in the bathroom crying asking myself was putting myself through this pain really worth it? I was so determined to lose more and more weight that I would continue to put myself through this pain for 3 years. 
I felt embarrassed that taking laxatives constantly made me windy.  It got to a stage where I felt so bad about myself and I hated myself so much that I felt like I deserved to be in pain. I was dehydrated all the time and when my belly was in excruciating pain I would walk hunched over because I couldn't lift my body up it was that painful. 

How Laxatives Could Affect Somebody Long Term

. Organ damage 

. Kidney Failure 

. Death 

. Heart disease of failure 

. Damage to the intestines 

. Muscle and joint problems 

. Infertility 

. Depression / Anxiety 

. Irregular periods 

. Bowel disease

Every day is a struggle living with an eating disorder , but I am happy to say it has just been under a year since I have last taken any laxatives. In summer of 2014 with lots of help from the eating disorder team and dietician I was under at that time helped me to come up with a routine and strategy to help reduce the amount of laxatives I was taking until I completely stopped. I am not going to lie and say it was easy , it was a struggle and hard work. There were times I wanted to give in and go back to taking the 500ml bottle of lactulose and there where times where it all felt too much and I wanted to jump off a cliff. One of my main motivations that helped me reduce and stop taking laxatives was that when I was told by my dietician that if I continue to take laxatives it could possibly make me infertile in the future. As somebody who has always wanted children it made me panic and motivated me to stop taking them.   

   How Taking Laxatives Affected My Life 

. Isolation from society

. Lack of sleep 

. Crying and emotional 

. Aggressive towards others 

. Depressed 

. Irritable 

. Spending most of the day in the bathroom

. No social life

. Dizziness

. Weak limbs 

. Embarrassed

. Addictive  

If you are somebody seeking help for a laxative addiction or would just like to know more about this topic see some of the links below or visit my help and information page :)

NATIONAL EATING DISORDERS.ORG

BE-AT.CO.UK

NHS

PRIORY GROUP

SUPPORTLINE.ORG

BULIMIA HELP

Love Ava

xoxox

Understanding Overall Mental Health And The Impact It May Have On A Person

Mental Health relates to how an individual copes with daily life and how they are able to function. There are two different types of mental health which often people misinterpret. People often mistake the term " Mental Health" as  a mental illness or condition in the mind , when actually Mental Health refers to a person's overall Mental Health, well-being  and if they are mentally healthy enough to cope with the pressures of daily life and be able to involve themselves in society. This is known as "Positive Mental Health". A individual with an illness or condition in the mind which prevents them from being able to function and cope with daily life is known as " Mental Ill- Health ." Mental Ill- Health covers a wide range of illnesses and conditions within the mind and how a person thinks , it does not just relate to  one  significant condition.   

Positive Mental Health 

. Positive Mental Health includes a person ability to cope with the demands and pressures of daily life. This includes the individuals capability of being able to cope with stress and difficult situations and circumstances.

. Being able to function in the community and society and being able to maintain relationships within society  is also apart of  Positive Mental Health.

. An individual having a healthy perception is an essential part of Positive Mental Health. It is important that a person is able to make sense of every day life and daily events that surround the individual.  

. Being emotional healthy is another important of  Positive Mental Health. Such as having an understanding and the ability to be able to express emotions and feelings.

. Healthy thinking is another part of Positive Mental Health. A person needs to have the capability to think clearly and be able to solve problems and make decisions for themselves to function properly.  

Elements That Can Affect And Impact On An Individuals " Positive Mental Health"

. Genes may be one possible component that could affect a person's Positive Mental Health. If a close family member or if there is a history of mental - ill health in the individuals ancestry , it is possible that a individual may inherit the same or similar mental health illness or condition. Such as schizophrenia , depression , anxiety , bipolar or personality disorder and eating disorders. 

. Another possible element that could affect a person's Positive Mental Health is the individuals childhood experiences. A person's upbringing and early experiences in life could impact on the individual mentally , emotionally and psychically  later in life. Positive environments can help a person to have good mental health and prevent mental ill-health, however negative environments could increase the risk of the individual having a mental health condition or illness. 

. Life events could also affect an individuals Positive Mental Health. Things such as , childhood , relationships , education, work life and social life could all influence the way a person reacts to different issues , problems or life events. 

. Social support and networks may have a positive affect on a person. When a person is vulnerable it is important that they have support around to help maintain Positive Mental Health , this support includes family , friends and a persons local community which can provide interaction and support. If a person does not have support it could increase the risk of an individual developing a mental health illness or condition. 

. A person's Positive Mental Health can depend entirely on the individual's own ability to cope. It is important for an individual to have coping strategies to help them cope with daily life and  face problems they may encounter. A person's capability will depend upon their resilience to previous experiences and life events.  

. An individuals lifestyle could also be an element which could affect a person's Positive Mental Health. Having a healthy diet and participating in regular exercise is very important for a person to maintain Positive Mental Health.

. It is key that a person makes sure they balance employment. Although employment may give an individual enjoyment and a sense of self-worth , being able to balance their work load is important to prevent unneeded stress and pressure. The stress and pressure could impact on a person's mental ability to cope.

.   Financial security and housing could also affect an individuals Positive Mental Health. Being aware of finances is essential for a person , so they are able to provide for themselves and have stability. 

Risk Factors That Could Lead To An Individual Developing A Mental Health Problem.   

. Individual risk factors which may include an individuals low self esteem , insecurity and lack of confidence could possibly put them at risk of developing a mental health problem. A person's lifestyle choice such as, diet , smoking or drinking may also be a factor of an individual developing a mental health problem. 

. Risk factors associated within an individuals family may include , violence , psychiatric disorder , neglect , divorce , family breakdown and unemployment which could cause an individual to develop a mental health disorder or illness. 

. Social factors may include being isolated from family , friends , the local community and the rest of society. Being disconnected from others could increase the risk of a person developing a mental health illness or condition. 

. Risk factors associated with education may include things such as bullying , lack of friends , struggling with school work could impact on an individual later in life. This could possibly lead to developing an mental health illness.

. Risk factors associated with life events such as unemployment , homelessness , bereavement , abuse , psychical illness and traumatic experiences could all lead to a person to developing a mental health problem. 

Common Mental  Ill - Health Problems 

. Depression

. Anxiety 

. Obsessive - Compulsive Disorder ( OCD)

. Phobias 

. Schizophrenia 

Bipolar Disorder 

. Eating Disorders 

Daily Difficulties That An Individual With A Mental Health Problem May Face

. Daily actives such as preparing meals , getting dressed , personal hygiene , cleaning the house and looking after their children may be challenging for a person suffering with a mental health problem.

. Finances may be a struggle to keep track off , paying bills may be stress for the individual who is suffering with a mental health problem.

. Employment may be difficult for a person with a mental health problem . The individual may find it hard to communicate with other co-workers and engage in activities in the work place. 

. A person's sleeping pattern could possibly affect if they are suffering with a mental health problem 

. Eating habits could also be affect , lack of appetite or over eating could occur. 

.  Relationships which may include , family , friends , romantic relationships , co-workers or members of the local community , could be hugely affected. An individual with a mental health problem could possibly become disconnected and isolated from others. 

.  Self image is also a possible difficulty that a person may face. Negative views and self hatred about themselves could be something an individual experiences.  

. Somebody who is suffering with a mental health problem physical health can also be affect.  For example someone who suffers with anxiety or stress may get rapid high blood pressure or stomach ulcers.



How A Person With A Mental Health Problem May Feel

. Depressed 

. Low Self Esteem 

. Stressed

. Lonely

. Selfish 

. Suicidal

. Angry

. Hopeless

. Tired

. Sadness

. Anxious

. No self worth 

. Paranoid 

. Tearful

. Self hatred

. Confusion 
  

For more information on this topic see the helpful websites below! :)




RETHINK.ORG
MIND.ORG
NHS
TURN2ME.ORG
TIME TO CHANGE.ORG.UK












Instagram - xovintagewayoflifexo
Twitter - V_wayoflifexo
Facebook - Ava Clarice Hornby


Love Ava 
xoxox