AUTISM : Why A Knock At The Door , Phone Calls & Letters Are Distressing.... ( ADULT WITH AUTISM )

                          

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and has had a lovely Christmas and New year. Today I wanted to talked about certain situations being an adult with autism that I personally struggle with. 

                               

The Knock At The Door

Even as an adult I still need structure and routine , so If somebody knocks at my front who I am not expecting or I don't know is coming can often cause me to have a panic attack because I am thrown off guard. It can become a stressful situation that I wasn't prepared for , whether it is a family member who just turns up to say hello or a stranger trying to sell something, my mind and body goes into a state of distress and I end up hiding on the floor because I become that scared of who is at the door. Obviously having to young children means that sometimes the person knocking at the door can hear them especially when my eldest shouts " mummy who is at the door ". Which often means they will continue to keep knocking louder which causes more distress for me as I am sensitive to sound. No I don't answer the door because usually by this point I am in tears because I have got that overwhelmed and stressed out at the thought of who it could be. I have had bad experiences that have led me to be more anxious around  ' A knock at the door ' such as someone actually walking into my home and throwing a parcel across my living room. Last year my husband and I was in a bad financial position and debt collectors came knocking at the door and I hid my children and myself until they went which seemed like forever. I have had people look through my kitchen window thinking nobody was home (this has happened a handful of times ). They are experiences that haven't contributed well to my anxiety that is already there about opening the front door. I am aware it could be something as simple as the postman dropping a parcel off because next door are not in, but when you are not expecting anyone it sends you into a torment of anxiety and distress. The stress doesn't take you an hour to recover , it takes days to feel relaxed again.


                            

                                                     


Phone Calls 

Phone calls is another thing I personally find difficult , especially as there tends to be more information given to you over the phone. Understanding information is a big part of what I struggle with , I struggle to process information and I often need it  breaking down for me in order for me to understand it. Like 'the knock at the door ' phone calls cause a lot of anxiety and distress for me , so I often tend to avoid phone calls or my husband talks on my behalf if needed. In some circumstances I do have to speak on the phone to confirm my identity etc which I find incredibly overwhelming and difficult , so I often avoid those situations as much as possible. There was one occasion I had to speak on the phone and I didn't understand what they was asking me , I apologized and said I was autistic and asked if they could explain to me in a different way and they put the phone down on me. I felt stupid and useless that I didn't understand what they was asking me. Another reason which causes anxiety around speaking on the phone is that I can't actually see that person who is on the other end of the phones face. Even though I struggle with eye contact in person not being able to see a persons face or put the voice to a persons face is very hard to comprehend and can feel very confusing for me.  





                             




Letters/ Mail 

Letters are something else I really struggle with . Again a lot of information can be put into letters and I can't always make sense or break down what the information is saying. I do often have to ask my mum for help regarding anything letter wise to make sure everything is correct and I don't misunderstand anything. My husband has a form of dyslexia so he can struggle with letters to at times. So I do often always ask my mum for advice. Sometimes I can interpret little details different which could mean the whole letter could end up meaning something completely different to what it is intended and often I always think the worst of a situation. Usually when I think it is something bad I start getting upset and then it is a horrible circle of anxiety again. 






                                      Thank you for reading 
                                               Love Ava
                                                    xoxo

The Festive Financial Stress Greatly Impacts Your Mental Health

                       

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and has had a lovely week. Today I want to talk about the financial stresses at this time of year which many families experience especially with children. 

       The Christmas season is coming up and everywhere you go you hear children say I want , I want , I want. Of course they are just children and don't understand that maybe there mummy and daddy can't afford those things they would like. It doesn't matter how many times adults and family members tell you,  just buy your kids what you can afford , it doesn't make you feel any less of a failure for not been able to provide what they are asking for.
        Something really upset me this week , my eldest was at nursery and they all sat in a circle and went round in a circle and said what they would like for Christmas. Now I understand nursery is just trying to get the children excited for Christmas , but not everyone is in a financial situation to afford expensive items. Not once has my eldest mentioned she wanted a purple bike until that day. She wanted Disney dolls which my husband and I had saved and found a good deal on ebay of all 12 Disney dolls for £50 which we got a few months ago , which worked out just over £4 for each doll. I wanted to cry , my eldest expected a bike at home that night and was confused why there wasn't one. We can't afford £100 on one item , especially when my eldest is 3 and understands quantity not quality! The next day while the children was getting there Christmas photos done , I overheard one of the staff say to my eldest Daisie-Mae have you been looking in those magazines for that  bike you want for christmas! I just looked at my husband and started tearing up. I mean how do I explain to her that she might not get a bike. This time last year we couldn't even afford food and we was living off a food bank for over 3 months. We couldn't pay bills and our gas/electric got cut of in the middle of December . Although we are able to put food on the table every week now , we aren't in the financial situation to spend money on expensive items , just like many other families can't afford it.
             I feel so stressed and my mental health has been hugely effected , I am 6 months pregnant worried how we are going to get through the Christmas period. I have even looked at taking loans out just to get us through the next couple of months , but i just feel like it is going to be a horrible circle. Once those loans are paid off , I feel like its going to be a repeat and I will have to take out another and then another. I am in two minds of what to do. I feel so sad , I have had days where I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like a useless mother not been able to provide for my children and I have another baby on the way. Most of the time I feel like my children would be better off without me. 
          The commercial side of Christmas starts earlier and earlier every year , it puts so much pressure and stress on parents. So many parents  become mental ill this time of year due to the constant pressure. What happened to the meaning of Christmas ? FAMILY , LOVED ONES , KINDNESS.  It is very easy to forget that when the commercial side of Christmas is shoved in your face from the last few weeks of summer! 
       My mum always taught me , that you get what you are given and you appreciate it because not everyone in the world is lucky to get things . I am finding this really difficult to teach my children , when people around them encourage them to expect things. Of course I would love to be in a situation to  give my children what they would like. But I want them to understand appreciation , respect ,  and that not everyone is fortunate to have nice things.

        Love Ava

                                                                                                                            xoxox

       

A Child With Autism Then Becomes An Adult With Autism ( School Struggles )

           

                       

Hello everybody! I hope everyone is well and has had a good week. I know I haven't posted in a while , I have been wiped out with morning sickness for the past few months. Yes that's right my husband and I are expecting baby number 3! It was a bit of a shock to say the least, but we have finally got our head around having another baby. 

   



                 
        Today's blog post I wanted to write about being an adult with autism. I have seen alot of parents recently post awareness about there child having autism especially since schools have started back. People seem to forget that children with autism grow up to be an adult with autism , those struggles that children face in school don't just fade away. I left high school a decade ago and I struggled a lot through both primary school and high school. The difficulties a faced then , I still face now. Although as adult you learn what works for you , what situation are going to overwhelm you or cause distress to you. As a child it is very confusing , you don't understand why you feel or see things a certain way which can cause so much anxiety for a child. Anxiety that a child is to young to understand why they feel that way and they can't explain it because they don't yet have the words to describe those feelings. 
         Sensory overload and anxiety have a big link for those with autism. As an adult you learn what kind of sensory overload can be distressing to you , so you take certain precautions to help you in that situation. For example noise is a big issue for me , so if I had to put myself in a situation where there is going to be a lot of noise , I would take some earphones to block out some of the noise or I would research the place to know my surroundings and see if I could find a quieter place. When you are a child with autism you don't have that understanding of why everything feels so loud , overwhelming and physically painful . If you are parent of a child with autism you might find your child tells you they have earache and although it might not be an infection earache , for your child it will feel that way because of how sensitive they are to sound. Unfortunately it still feels that way for an adult , but you learn what sounds your more sensitive too. 
    Does your child tell you to stop shouting at them? Even though you are not! The slightest change in the tone of your voice can make someone with autism feel like you are shouting at them. This happens a lot with my husband and he has to take his time to explain he wasn't shouting at me although it feels like he is. This can be extremely hard for children especially in a school environment it can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. 
     It is very important that a child with autism has support throughout school life , that teachers and other professional are made aware of an individuals struggles. This will help a child with autism have a less daunting school experience. Unfortunately I didn't have support throughout school life despite my mum fighting my corner for me to get the right support , I never got it. School failed me and many others my age , this has effected me as an adult as I haven't yet been able to go into a work role. I went back education on my own doing long distance learning and was able to pass all my courses but during school years I ended up missing a lot of school due to a lack of support and severe anxiety.  Work is something I would love to do , however been classed as" disabled"  has it limitation. Sometimes that is all people see you as and they think you are incapable of being able to do things just because you struggle more than others. I haven't been given the opportunity to be in a work role in fact I once got told I wasn't mentally well enough to work , which really knocked my confidence. 
      I am so happy that in the past few years more awareness of what autism is has been made aware. Hopefully this help children more , when I was a child there wasn't much knowledge or education on the subject , so its great to see people speak and stand up for those with autism. Autism is such a big spectrum that people don't even realise how big it is.  We all struggle in different ways and no two people with autism are the same , we may have similarities but we are all unique and different to each other , just like individuals without autism. 





                                    Thank you reading :)

                                      Love Ava 

                                        xoxo

I Vlogged Throughout The Month Of April For Autism Awareness Month

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and are having a good week so far. If you have read my blog for awhile now you will know that I am Autistic. April was Autism Awareness month , so throughout the month of April I vlogged each day on my instagram stories to show what it is like living with Autism. After my first few videos I received messages of encouragement and support from people which was lovely and they continued to watch my videos throughout the month of april. I found it very hard at first to talk to the camera , I felt a little bit stupid talking to myself at first really , it took me at least 10 times to film my first video because I felt so embarrassed , I thought I was making a fool of myself. Peoples support really helped me to continuing making videos and as the month went on I find more confidence in myself to make videos. 
       By the second week of april I had some lovely messages from people telling me they enjoyed watching my videos which made me feel like I was doing something right. My husband is my number one supporter and he kept telling me how proud he was of me for showing people the difficulties individuals with Autism face each day.  I also shared stories about my mental health and struggles too , which alot people seemed to be able to relate too. I had a few messages asking where to go for help and wanted some guidance which I was happy to help with. I am always happy to people when they need. 
      By the third week ,some people had made fake accounts to message me , to tell me things that was obviously was going to upset me. I found that very upsetting and it caused alot of stress for me. During the same week alot of things happened in our family which caused stress and upset for my family which didnt help when my head felt all over the place anyway. I felt drained and I didnt feel motivated to do videos but I carried on doing them even if it was just little ones throughout the day. I started to feel better by week 4 and carried on vlogging my day and I was still receiving nice messages from people which certainly out weighed the upset from silly fake accounts. 
           The last day of April came which meant last day of vlogging for Autism awareness. I received some messages asking to continue with my videos and that they enjoyed watching. I wasnt too sure at first if I wanted to continue vlogging , I actually found it quite hard to remember to vlog things. I thought about it overnight and decided I would continue to make videos but not everyday , I didnt want to put too much pressure on myself to do it everyday. It really meant alot to me those who watched and supported me , all I have ever wanted to do is to help people and I hope my videos do help people even if it is just one person that would be great. 




If you are interested in watching my videos/ stories my instagram is
                                xovintagewayoflifexo




                                 Love Ava xox
                              

2018 A Year That Tested My Mental Health ( Month By Month Diary)

Hello everyone , I hope you had a lovely Christmas and New year and not having holiday blues too much. Lets just say my Christmas has not been smooth sailing , couple of trips to the hospital and doctors for my family , I don't want to go into details as this is going to be a long blog post anyway. 
       Today's blog post is going to be about 2018 and my struggles with mental health , personal and family struggles too.


                   




January 2018 -  In early January my lip randomly swelled up within seconds it was the size of a golf ball and I was taken into hospital after ringing 111 ( In the UK it is a number you ring before 999 for advice on what to do ) the 111 number rang an ambulance and the paramedics gave me adrenaline and my lip went down and I was taken into hospital. The doctors told me it looked like I had an allergic reaction to something , to this day I still have no idea what. I didn't eat anything or touch anything different than I normally would that day , I was just sat on the sofa at home when it happened , fingers crossed it doesn't happen again. Unfortunately that experience has caused a year of anxiety around food , every meal since then I have had an anxiety attack during meal times. It has become draining and tiring , I am fed up and want it to stop. If you have followed my blog for awhile you will know I have been battling an eating disorder for a long time , which now this anxiety towards has made that worse and my attitude towards food worse. It is a horrible feeling being scared to eat something and feeling like you are reacting or going to react to the food you are eating. I constantly feel like my lips are swelling everytime I eat and I have had enough of feeling this way. 
          At the end of January of 2018 I was 6 months pregnant with my Daughter Luna-Rose and I started to collapse during my pregnancy, I was so scared the first time I collapsed I was on my own with my eldest daughter who is now 2 years old. I passed a couple of times when I was pregnant with my eldest Daisie-Mae so I knew when my body didnt feel right. Because of that familiarity I rang my mum straight away on video chat said I didnt feel right made sure Daisie-Mae was safe and then passed out across my bedroom floor. My hearing went and everything went black , I am not sure how long I was passed out for it felt like eternity but my mum stay on the phone with me until I came around and made sure Daisie-Mae was safe. Daisie- Mae sensed something was wrong with mummy so she sat on my bed and stayed there until I came around , she was rubbing my back when I woke up telling me you are okay mummy. I tried to carry on and thought I would be okay , about a week later a collapsed in a shop over the pram and an Ambulance was rang and my husband had to come from work to get me , the paramedics checked everything over and I said I didn't want to go to hospital so my husband Alex took me to my mum's house and he went back to work. I didn't feel safe anymore and it certainly wasn't safe for my daughter anymore.

February 2018 - From February until the end of April I was at her house 6 days a week or I was with someone everyday. The passing out got worse , at one point in February I collapsed in the car and my mum thought I was having a seizure because of my movements and I didn't respond for a period of time. I felt exhausted by this point , I would have to sleep for a few hours after I would collapse I thought so drained and I really don't know how I would of coped without my mum. My birthday was in February and it was an awful time that morning I already unloved and unwanted now I look back I just feel like a brat. I got upset because my husband didnt get me a card or one of our daughter and that is all I wanted was a card of my daughter saying happy birthday. Unfortunately finance hasn't been on our side in 2018 which meant my husband and I didn't offered have spare money at the end of month. That is why looking back I feel like a brat about it. I just felt so unloved and unwanted at the time.  My mum cheered me up though by taking me to a craft fair , both my mum and I are crafters we love making and creating things so that cheered me up in the afternoon. Although been autistic I found the craft fair very overwhelming and need time out a few times, I still enjoyed it. 

March 2018 - By March the collapsing was almost everyday and I was struggling to walk around at this point. I had a growth scan in mid march and during the scan I collapsed again and the sonographer ran out to get a nurse , my mum was outside with Daisie-Mae as children were not allowed in the room. I was wheeled off to the pregnancy triage and within 20 minutes I was admitted to the wards. I was in hospital for 3 days I hated been apart from my little girl I just wanted to go home. During the 3 months I was constantly telling my doctor and community midwife about collapsing which they kept saying they would look into , by this point I was in hospital before anything was looked at. I was anemic , well I still am  but my iron was very low and it had made me very ill , my heart rate was very fast and I had low blood pressure but that is normal for me anyway to have low blood pressure. I was referred to a cardiologist while I was in hospital and I had to have lots of blood tests , I was put on a drip because I was dehydrated and I was waiting for a blood transfusion for a couple of days and in the end they didn't give me one and just prescribed a lot of iron tablets. My mum was looking after Daisie-Mae in the day while I was in hospital as my husband had to work. By the third day Alex said he would look after Daisie-Mae and he asked his boss if it was okay. My mum was really tired as she has health problems herself that cause her to be in pain everyday so she was exhausted by this point so we told her to stay in bed. Alex got to the hospital with Daisie-Mae and told me his boss was already pressuring him to go into and he explain he had to look after his daughter. His boss seemed to expected him to just leave Daisie-Mae in the hospital. Alex and I don't have alot of family around us to help so we couldn't ask anyone at this point. So I asked the doctor to discharge me despite been unwell. The doctor did as I asked and within 5 minutes of walking through my front door , Alex's boss messaged him to come into work immediately. My husband got a tattoo apprenticeship in December 2017 so in January 2018 he started his apprenticeship and went part time at his full time job. Since he went part time , certain people including his boss started to treat him differently , they started pressuring him and bullying him. My husband started to loose who he is was in March , he came home unhappy , sad and would hardly say anything to me. It broke my heart to see him that way and I couldn't help fix it. 

April 2018 - In April I was still collapsing but not as frequent. I was still scared of been on my own but I began to feel a little better and felt more mobile. I only had 6 weeks left of my pregnancy at this point so I began to enjoy it a little more. 
        In April my husband and I began to get handwritten letters threatening us. This person threaten to take our children away from us. This person had already been harassing us for over year but they was being smart about it and using other people to do it. This person is not allowed access to our children for very good reasons and as parents we protect our children. This person threaten us because they can't see our children , so instead tried threaten us and even used legal companies making up lies to try and contact us. This person the year before had contacted social services and made up a lie that Alex and I was giving certain substances to our eldest daughter Daisie-Mae and abusing her. This was a lie and was found out to be a lie. Luckily the health visitors knew about this person and what they was capable off. It absolutely broke Alex and I. The threats where now becoming annoying more than anything , we knew by this point they would never get there hands on our children. 
       At the end of April , my Grandparents came home for the arrival of Luna-Rose. Which took a weight of mine and my mum's shoulders as we had been pretty much living in each others pockets for the past few months. 


May 2018 - May came and we celebrated the arrival of Luna-Rose on the 11th of may. It was an easy birth compared to Daisie-Mae I was surprised how quick I recovered and I was at home within less than 24 hours of giving birth. I felt great , tired but great. Daisie-Mae was overwhelmed with emotion when she first saw Luna-Rose she couldn't believe  there was a baby and then after 10 minutes of tears she was cuddling and kissing her. 
      Alex had an agreement with his boss that he could have 2 weeks holiday after the birth of Luna-Rose because paternity leave he would loss alot more money. We was already struggle money wise. Of course a few days after Luna was born his boss started pressuring him to go in. Alex was getting frustrated , anxious and upset , after a long talk he quit his job. No job is worth your mental health and sanity . I was not prepared to watch my husband's mental get any worse because of that job. 
       We enjoyed having some family time for a couple of weeks and Alex went full time at the tattoo shop. I began to feel more myself again and was able to stay on my own again .


June 2018 - Apart from wedding planning stress , June was an nice easy month. We celebrated Daisie-Mae's 2nd birthday and we had lots of family days out. The weather was lovely during June , so lots of walks in the evening trying to shift the extra few pounds to fit in my wedding dress in July. I ordered my dress before I found out I was Pregnant , so after birth I was like AHHHHHH I need to loose weight now I have 11 weeks to fit in a size 6 dress!!! I went alot bigger than expected during pregnancy with Luna-rose than with Daisie-Mae. My 1st pregnancy I didn't show at all , so I did not expect to be as big as I was with Luna-Rose. 
At the end of June I had my cardiologist appointment which I was referred too in March. Believe it or not I am still waiting for the results. 



July 2018 - My emotions all over the place in early July. Excited , nervous , stressed , overwhelmed!!! 
       22nd of July!!!! Wedding day has arrived .... Ahhh the excited , the butterflies , the nerves!!! It was a fabulous day surrounded by the people we love the most. For the first time in my life I actually felt beautiful stood there in my wedding dress saying my vows. We loved every minute of our wedding day. 
         Nothing goes plain sailing with us though does it! 2 days after the wedding a car drove into the side of us and then a few weeks later a letter came from the police saying that the driver had reported my husband to the police saying he was dangerous driving... Yet they was the one who drove into us and then had a phone in there hand taking pictures of our car as they drove off.
     3 days after the wedding just as we nipped into town to grab a few bits before we went to the lakes for our honeymoon and we came home to pick up our cases. We took Daisie-Mae out the car and she was just starring into thin air.... I had Luna-Rose and we went inside the house. Alex put Daisie-Mae on the sofa and she started having a seizure. I have never been so scared in my life to see my baby that way. I rang an ambulance and gave information they asked for. By this point my baby was blue and not responding , Alex was rubbing her back , trying really hard to get her to respond. She was unconscious but slowing breathing. During this time I rang my mum to come and get Luna-Rose when I had finished on the phone to the ambulance service. After 25 minutes still no ambulance and my baby was still unconscious. I forgot to mention that when we pulled up to our house the car was leaking petrol really bad we noticed it while we was in town. So when my mum pulled up I ran to her and said we needed to get to the hospital now. Daisie-Mae was in my arms and I got in the car and she drove to the hospital. We pulled up at the ambulance bit and screamed for help , no one would help so I ran into the emergency entrance and a nurse came running to help me and took us in a bay. Daisie-Mae started to wake up and she was crying for me , her speech was slurred and I started panicking if she was okay. I couldn't understand what had happened to my baby. My mum parked up and Alex made his way to the hospital with Luna-Rose. My mum had phoned my grandma to help come and get Luna , So they took Luna-Rose back to my mum's and she stay there while Alex and I stay with Daisie-Mae. They did lots of tests on Daisie-Mae , she even had a CT scan as she was showing no signs of temperature so they ruled out a Febrile seizure. The doctors and nurses where baffled , they kept her under observation for 24 hours and said they wouldn't investigate any further until she has another seizure , luckily she has not had one since. We ended up going on our honeymoon trip to the lakes in September instead but cut our trip short in the end due to my anxiety.

August 2018 -  Money troubles started to hit us and started causing arguments between Alex and I. He was earning anything to pay the bills. He didn't want me too work , or even if I did my family don't seem to think I will cope. He was the one looking after our family and we was not been looked after. We wasn't even entitle to anything from the benefits or help. We had no money coming in bills weren't getting paid , we was struggling to pay for food. 



September 2018 - September came and money was still a big issue and arguments was still happening. By September my Anxiety had got worse. I was experiencing symptoms I have never experinced before. I was shaking , having hot sweats I felt like I couldn't breathe , I felt my face was swelling , I would feel dizzy. I began to have anxiety attacks everyday and become emotional. I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't want to go back on tablets but I knew I could't carry on this way not with two children. I went to the doctors to start back on anti-depressants , I was prescribed venafluxine which I had for years before having children , I stopped when I was pregnant with my first child. I knew they suited me , I was anxious about taken them. Food , touch and medication was still a big issue for me from what happened in January has still stuck with me and caused anxiety. Anyway not wanting to feel this way anymore motivated me to take them. However I reacted to the medication and my husband had to ring an ambulance.My husband  play football on Sundays and we was at football at the time I reacted too it. My face and body felt like it was on fire , I felt like I couldn't breathe , my sight was going funny. I felt like I was going to pass out , I couldn't understand what was happening. I was checked over at the hospital it turns out while I was experiencing all the side effects with venafluxine I also had an anxiety attack and my body couldn't handle it and went all over the place. I thought I would be the safest with the tablet because of having it for years previously. This made my anxiety worse and by the end of September I felt suicidal and started to self harm. 

October 2018 -  During October my husband had to stay at home more often because I didn't want to be here anymore. I started to cut myself on my arms and I wanted to end my life. My anxiety attacks had become several times a day , I was scared of myself . I went back to the doctors and they referred me to the mental health team and we aimed to go down therapy route. I was then referred to a psychologist who specialist in autism. Been autistic therapy can be hard to communicate so it is easier to have someone who understand and is patience with you. I haven't had good experiences in the past down to lack of communicate and understanding. Alex and I began to argue over everything and anything which became stressful on both parts. 


November 2018 -  I Started therapy and I was back to been at my mum's most days, I felt scared of myself. Alex and I had spoke about separating after Christmas , i felt like a failure. 4 months into marriage and already talking about separating. 
        After all the stress I didn't even think about that time of month and then a realized I was really late. I tried to brush it of  but within a few days I was having symptoms of morning sickness and I just knew I was pregnant. Thousands of thoughts was going through my head , how can I be pregnant again ? we have been using condoms. I can't be. But I just knew I was. I took a test which confirmed it and I went to the doctors. I was about 6 weeks pregnant.... 

December 2018 - Unfortunately I was not able to continue with the pregnancy due to medical reasons and I had surgery at 8 weeks pregnant on the 12th of December . I have spoke about saying goodbye to our angel on my previous post I posted before Christmas. 
       My grandparents came home on the day I had my surgery , they live in turkey , so they flew back for Christmas. They was there to help me aswell as my mum through a difficult time. My Grandparents knew about our difficult time with money and kindly gifted Alex and I some money so we was able to buy our children some presents for Christmas , I am forever grateful for there kindness , they didn't need to help us. 
The sadness of saying to our baby actually brought Alex and I together again. We became closer and agreed to fight for each other. 
    Christmas was a lovely day with Family I couldn't ask for anything better. Boxing day I ended up in hospital , loosing a lot of blood over the past weeks in December after surgery made my iron levels drop again and went funny again like when I was pregnant. So I spend boxing day in hospital and the next few days resting. 
       Finishing the year with a bang they say..... 
Nothing goes smoothly for us does it ha! On new years eve that morning while we was getting dressed , Daisie-Mae climb up onto our cupboard in our bedroom and manged to reach some of Alex's art work solution which is for blending colours  together it has some acid in it. It was an unopened bottle and she managed to get a child proof lid off and drank some of it. It is a clear solution so I think she thought it was a bottle of water. Alex and I had our backs turned for  a minute while we picking out our clothes and she had done this! Within seconds she started choking and coughing and thought she had pinched some chocolate of the side and choked on it. Then I smelt and saw the solution on the side with the cap off  , we rang an ambulance as she started to turn a greyish colour and was still coughing. They told us to lay her on her side. You could smell the solution on her breath it was so strong and smelt like nail polish remover. The ambulance service said if we could get her to the hospital to get her there straight away because it was busy in the area and an ambulance wouldn't get there for another 20 minutes. So we put her in the car and drove to the hospital, we rang my mum on the way and she was going to meet us there to get Luna-Rose , once again comes to the rescue. I ran into the children's A&E and asked for help , they got a nurse and took us into a bay straight away  , by this time she had stopped coughing and was spaced out but awake. She had tests done including a chest x-ray and everything came back fine internally. She had to be monitored for several hours just in case something happened but she was fine and was back to herself a few days later. Children don't half put the fear in you!





So that was my 2018 and it has really pushed my mental health this year ,don't get me wrong there were some special and happy moments in 2018 like the birth of Luna-Rose and getting married. But it has been a very hard year and I am sure many other people will have been tested in 2018. I hope 2019 is a better year and my anxiety gets better so I can be the best mum I can be. 








                                  Thank you for reading 
                                       Love Ava 
                                            xoxo

10 Annoying Things Which Are Said To Someone With Autism

 1. So what is it like being Autistic ?

( Because clearly someone with Autism just woke up one day and decided they are going to be Autistic for that day ? ) 

2. You look" normal " , you don't look like you have Autism.

( What is a person with Autism suppose to look like? )  

3. When someone is introducing you to someone and says " Oh she is Autistic so she wont speak very much. 

( Really? Don't even say my name first or say who I am ) 

4. You must be really good at Maths. 

( Not everyone with Autism is a mini Albert Einstein ) 

5. You can have sex right? 

( This is one of the most stupidest comments I have heard , Autism does not affect the capability of  your lady or man parts having sex with someone , however the communication skills of psychically meeting someone to have sex is a completely different story. ) 

6. " My friend's sister is autistic , you seem nothing like her." 

( Not everyone with Autism is the same! We are our own person and we all have different traits .) 

7. " Why aren't you looking at me when I am talking to you?"

( Did you know that for someone with Autism that eye contact can be very difficult and can actually sometimes be psychically painful for a person like myself who is more sensitive with sight .) 

8. Can you work? People automatically think you are incapable of being able to work or hold onto a job. 

( Many people with Autism can work , however there isn't always enough support for those with autism in employment.)

9. Do you have feelings? 

( Of course we have bloody feelings , just because we find it harder to express ourselves doesn't mean we don't have feelings.)

10. But you are not a child , how can you have Autism? 

( Because we clearly have been an adult all our lives...) 

Love Ava

xoxo

Autism... The Difference Between Hypersensitive And Hyposensitive ( Sensory Stimulation )

Autism is such a variety of a spectrum , every individual is different and unique meaning each individual will react in different ways to sensory stimulation to each other. The two common responses to sensory stimulation are categorized into " Hypersensitive "and " Hyposesitive ." A person with Autism will often be either hypersensitive or hyposensitive , although that does not mean that an individual can not have characteristics of both categories , like myself! I have Autism and I have characteristics that are in both hypersensitive and hyposensitive. 

Hypersensitive 

Hypersensitive means that an individual with Autism will over react to specific sensory stimulations which a person with Autism would not be affected by.

An individual will often avoid the sensory that causes them distress and discomfort. The sensory that an individual can find sensitive can be anything related to sound , sight , touch , smell and taste. For people who do not have Autism or do not understand Autism the individual with Autism's reaction to a specific sensory may come across as over dramatic " Diva" or arrogant behaviour , without actually understand that the sensory distressing for the individual can sometimes be physically painful especially if the individual has a sensitivity to sight or sound.

Things I am personally sensitive too 

Sight : I am sensitive to specific colours such as bright yellow and orange. I find them painful and uncomfortable to look at. Which means  I often find it difficult to be out in the sun for long periods of time as the brightest is too painful and overwhelming. 

In my room I have dimmed lights because the bright lights are too much for me to handle and the same with the living room lights I use a lamp instead of the main lights.

Sound : I am sensitive to sounds such as a clock ticking , the radiator making a noise , scratching on clothing , paper and surfaces as well as tapping on surfaces , alarms and bells , lawnmowers or somebody making noises with their mouth. All these sounds often make feel very uneasy and distressed. 

Touch : Certain textures can make me very anxious such as suede , silk , dry skin , felt , crepe , wool and fur. 

Smell : Cleaning products , meat products or fast food smells can make me feel sick and I find it difficult to handle being around the smells. 

Hyposensitive 






Hyposensitive is the complete opposite to Hypersensitive , meaning the individual is under sensitive to sensory stimulation and can often be unresponsive to sensory. For example an individual may crave certain hot and spicy foods , but they have no awareness of the temperature of there food , which a person without Autism would be fully aware that their body would not be able to handle that temperature of heat , whereas a person with Autism who is Hyposensitive would not understand the danger of that. Another example is an individual with Autism who is Hyposensitive may not hear things being said verbally or sounds and noises such as alarms , loud music , doorbells , hoovers or lawnmowers and banging of items . Although there is nothing actually wrong with the individual's hearing in itself , but because of the abnormal information processing in the brain the individual may not be able to pick up on certain sounds and noises , which would make them appear unresponsive. 



Things I Can Be Under Sensitive Too




Sound - Although I am sensitive to certain sounds such as a clock ticking , the radiator making a noise , scratching on clothing , paper and surfaces as well as tapping on surfaces , alarms and bells , lawnmowers or somebody making noises with their mouth. I am very unresponsive to verbal communicate , I often can't hear people talking to me and I look to others ( My mum most of the time ) to try and explain what they have said because I can't physical hear them. Sometimes I don't even hear my mum or family members talking to me , or I only tune in at the end of what they are trying to tell me. My mum use to joke that it was selective hearing ( That is often how it can appear.)



Touch - I am fairly tolerant to psychical or self inflective  pain , as someone who use to self harm from being depressed I use to cut my wrists often and it wouldn't hurt even though wrists were a bloody mess , I wouldn't psychically feel " Pain " as such it was more a " Release" or "Relaxed " sensation. 



Body Awareness - I often rock and swing on chairs without realise I am doing it or fidget in a seated environment. I can be oblivious to peoples person space such as standing to close to them or unaware that I am in the way of them.

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Love Ava 
xoxo

   

The Struggles Of Autism ( Living With Autism )

Autism is a spectrum disorder which means it is greatly varied and affects individuals differently. People who do not understand Autism have a misconception of understanding the spectrum disorder , people often assume that Autism will affect individuals in the same way and that everyone with Autism is the same. 
       Every person with Autism is different and unique , but can relate with each other with the difficulties we face everyday. I myself have Autism and find things daily to be difficult , although the struggles and difficulties I face may vary to another individual with Autism. The daily battles with face everyday will of course differ for everyone depending on how mild or severe they are on the Autistic spectrum. 


   The Three Main Traid of Impairments We Struggle With  

. Social communication and interaction 

. Verbal and non- verbal language 

. Thinking and behaving ( social imagination ) 

How Autism Affects Me In Daily 

. Communication - I find it difficult to communicate with people face to face , speaking over phone and even understanding the contents of emails. I find it uncomfortable to speak to people in person , I feel anxious, stressed and eye contact can often be physically painful due to being overwhelmed by the situation. 

Coordination - I often find fiddly things difficult to coordinate , for example organising books or files might take me longer than somebody without Autism to do , or even tying  or untying things can be complicated to do. Dropping things and bumping into things is a fairly regular thing for me. Clumsiness is very common for somebody with Autism. 



Lack of understanding people's langue - People with autism including myself can often be very playful and sarcastic , however we find difficult to understand other people's sarcasm or humour. We find it difficult to read if somebody is joking and we often take things literally , which causes use to be very sensitive around people as we tend to take everything personally. 




Sensory sensitive - Every individual with Autism finds something related to either sight , touch , sound , smell or taste very sensitive to cope with. For example certain colours can be sensitive for an individual with Autism for me personally I am sensitive to the colours orange and yellow , which both colours can often be painful for me to look at and can make me panic. Sounds such as scratching on surfaces like a table , pieces of paper , a chalk board or even a pair jeans can be overwhelming for me to heard and I often become anxious. Even noises such as somebody mowing the lawn or an alarm going of can be disturbing. Certain textures can make me panic especially " terrycloth". Even when I was a little girl and my mum would touch me on the hand and when she had dry skin on her hands I would start to scream because the texture of the dry skin would make me uncomfortable. 




     

Routine  - Like most individuals with Autism I have a routine in my head of how I do things daily and the timing of those routines. If my routine is changed or disturbed I can become very anxious and uncomfortable. I can become very frustrated with myself because everything becomes out of order or out of place. A slight change or unexpected events that may occur can mean I wont settle for the rest of the day and become uneasy. 





Repetitive patterns - I can often be fidgety such as when sitting on a chair rocking back and forwards or fidgeting about. I always have to check things are switched off 3 times ( ALWAYS 3 ), such as the oven , fireplace , light switch , water tap or making sure the front and back door is locked. I tend to repeat stories that I have already told without realising I have already told them. Constantly fixing and rearranging things like if I am out shopping and a food tin or jar is facing the wrong way I have to fix it ( most of the time I don't even realise I am doing it ). I am always fiddling with objects around me as I tend to be intrigued by objects even if it is just an empty bottle. 









Every individual with Autism is different but we can all relate to each other on some level. People often misjudge Autism because of there lack of understanding about the condition and sadly the media does not raise enough awareness about the condition. In actual fact the media often presents Autism to the public in a negative light by publishing incorrect information about the condition based on one incident that may of happened . For example a shooting that happened not so long ago in the United States, and the gunman happened to have Autism. The media portrayed Autism to be a dangerous and fearful condition based on one individual. When in actual fact  97%  of people with Autism would not hurt a fly , they are most likely to end up hurting themselves out of  frustration or suffering with depression rather than being a threat to the rest of society.  








Unfortunately these are some of the headlines and comments we can often see the media portraying Autism : 



" Parents just letting there children misbehaving , pure laziness! Just give them a good smack "


( Actually children with Autism can not control misbehaving because they don't understand what is going on and why everything seems so difficult. They " misbehave" out of frustration at themselves. 



" Autism wrecks lives"

( Yes , Autism is difficult for an individual and their family but the only person it affects is the individual themselves. Often families are very supportive of a person with Autism and learn to adjust to there needs because it is what families do for there loved ones. Everything might seem 10 times harder for an individual with Autism but that doesn't mean they are incapable of having a life.) 


" Autistic people are violent and dangerous "

( Autistic people are far from dangerous , we wouldn't hurt a soul intentionally. We have so much love to give people but because of our communication and social skills we don't know how to show that love. Our brain is different to our heart. It doesn't quite work together.)  



" People with Autism don't feel emotions "






( We actually feel a lot of emotion that is often overwhelming for us to handle because we feel some much emotion at once.) 







 Thank you for reading 
xo



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Love Ava 
xoxo