AUTISM : Why A Knock At The Door , Phone Calls & Letters Are Distressing.... ( ADULT WITH AUTISM )

                          

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and has had a lovely Christmas and New year. Today I wanted to talked about certain situations being an adult with autism that I personally struggle with. 

                               

The Knock At The Door

Even as an adult I still need structure and routine , so If somebody knocks at my front who I am not expecting or I don't know is coming can often cause me to have a panic attack because I am thrown off guard. It can become a stressful situation that I wasn't prepared for , whether it is a family member who just turns up to say hello or a stranger trying to sell something, my mind and body goes into a state of distress and I end up hiding on the floor because I become that scared of who is at the door. Obviously having to young children means that sometimes the person knocking at the door can hear them especially when my eldest shouts " mummy who is at the door ". Which often means they will continue to keep knocking louder which causes more distress for me as I am sensitive to sound. No I don't answer the door because usually by this point I am in tears because I have got that overwhelmed and stressed out at the thought of who it could be. I have had bad experiences that have led me to be more anxious around  ' A knock at the door ' such as someone actually walking into my home and throwing a parcel across my living room. Last year my husband and I was in a bad financial position and debt collectors came knocking at the door and I hid my children and myself until they went which seemed like forever. I have had people look through my kitchen window thinking nobody was home (this has happened a handful of times ). They are experiences that haven't contributed well to my anxiety that is already there about opening the front door. I am aware it could be something as simple as the postman dropping a parcel off because next door are not in, but when you are not expecting anyone it sends you into a torment of anxiety and distress. The stress doesn't take you an hour to recover , it takes days to feel relaxed again.


                            

                                                     


Phone Calls 

Phone calls is another thing I personally find difficult , especially as there tends to be more information given to you over the phone. Understanding information is a big part of what I struggle with , I struggle to process information and I often need it  breaking down for me in order for me to understand it. Like 'the knock at the door ' phone calls cause a lot of anxiety and distress for me , so I often tend to avoid phone calls or my husband talks on my behalf if needed. In some circumstances I do have to speak on the phone to confirm my identity etc which I find incredibly overwhelming and difficult , so I often avoid those situations as much as possible. There was one occasion I had to speak on the phone and I didn't understand what they was asking me , I apologized and said I was autistic and asked if they could explain to me in a different way and they put the phone down on me. I felt stupid and useless that I didn't understand what they was asking me. Another reason which causes anxiety around speaking on the phone is that I can't actually see that person who is on the other end of the phones face. Even though I struggle with eye contact in person not being able to see a persons face or put the voice to a persons face is very hard to comprehend and can feel very confusing for me.  





                             




Letters/ Mail 

Letters are something else I really struggle with . Again a lot of information can be put into letters and I can't always make sense or break down what the information is saying. I do often have to ask my mum for help regarding anything letter wise to make sure everything is correct and I don't misunderstand anything. My husband has a form of dyslexia so he can struggle with letters to at times. So I do often always ask my mum for advice. Sometimes I can interpret little details different which could mean the whole letter could end up meaning something completely different to what it is intended and often I always think the worst of a situation. Usually when I think it is something bad I start getting upset and then it is a horrible circle of anxiety again. 






                                      Thank you for reading 
                                               Love Ava
                                                    xoxo

I Vlogged Throughout The Month Of April For Autism Awareness Month

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and are having a good week so far. If you have read my blog for awhile now you will know that I am Autistic. April was Autism Awareness month , so throughout the month of April I vlogged each day on my instagram stories to show what it is like living with Autism. After my first few videos I received messages of encouragement and support from people which was lovely and they continued to watch my videos throughout the month of april. I found it very hard at first to talk to the camera , I felt a little bit stupid talking to myself at first really , it took me at least 10 times to film my first video because I felt so embarrassed , I thought I was making a fool of myself. Peoples support really helped me to continuing making videos and as the month went on I find more confidence in myself to make videos. 
       By the second week of april I had some lovely messages from people telling me they enjoyed watching my videos which made me feel like I was doing something right. My husband is my number one supporter and he kept telling me how proud he was of me for showing people the difficulties individuals with Autism face each day.  I also shared stories about my mental health and struggles too , which alot people seemed to be able to relate too. I had a few messages asking where to go for help and wanted some guidance which I was happy to help with. I am always happy to people when they need. 
      By the third week ,some people had made fake accounts to message me , to tell me things that was obviously was going to upset me. I found that very upsetting and it caused alot of stress for me. During the same week alot of things happened in our family which caused stress and upset for my family which didnt help when my head felt all over the place anyway. I felt drained and I didnt feel motivated to do videos but I carried on doing them even if it was just little ones throughout the day. I started to feel better by week 4 and carried on vlogging my day and I was still receiving nice messages from people which certainly out weighed the upset from silly fake accounts. 
           The last day of April came which meant last day of vlogging for Autism awareness. I received some messages asking to continue with my videos and that they enjoyed watching. I wasnt too sure at first if I wanted to continue vlogging , I actually found it quite hard to remember to vlog things. I thought about it overnight and decided I would continue to make videos but not everyday , I didnt want to put too much pressure on myself to do it everyday. It really meant alot to me those who watched and supported me , all I have ever wanted to do is to help people and I hope my videos do help people even if it is just one person that would be great. 




If you are interested in watching my videos/ stories my instagram is
                                xovintagewayoflifexo




                                 Love Ava xox
                              

The Suicidal Thoughts You Keep Fighting Everyday PART 3 - Medication Problems , Financial Stress & Feeling Scared

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and looking forward to there weekend.

 Personally the past couple of weeks have been mentally draining and in my last blog post I talked about how I was struggling to cope with my anxiety and that I made the decision to go back to the doctors and ask for help. 
The outcome of that was that I was put back on anti-depressants venafalxine  , however I reacted to the medication prescribed and ended up been taken into hospital in an ambulance , which I am still struggling to understand why I reacted to it when I had venaflaxine for years but stopped taking them when I found out I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. After my hospital trip I went back to my doctor and he agreed medication would not be best for me , especially when my anxiety revolves around what is put in my body it is just going to cause more anxiety and distress.
I am trying to get through each day , I feel mentally , physically and emotionally drained. 
Financial stress and worry is not helping my anxiety either. My husband and I are struggling financial , struggling to pay bills and to put food on the table each week. There is sometimes weeks we avoid food shopping because we know we cant afford it , we always make sure are children are fed and there is always something there for them but there is times were we have skipped meals so there is enough food to last the rest of the week. The financial stress is causing arguments between us which I suppose finance is one of the most common things couples fight. It is just constantly one thing after another money wise , there is more going out than there is coming in. 
My anxiety is making me want to hurt myself because that is the only way I can feel any release from it. I am scared of myself and I sometimes think I am my own worst enemy. I feel nothing but hate towards myself at the moment , I sometimes feel like I want to run away and hide but I know my babies need me even if I feel like the worst mum in the world. They are the reason I am still here fighting everyday. Any happiness I feel , a constant unnerving  feeling of guilt always seems to be in the my stomach. It is a constant vicious circle....




I am going to leave today's blog post there and continue with updates.

Thank you for reading 

Love Ava

xox

Understanding Living With And The Different Types Of Anxiety

Hello everyone! :) I hope everyone is well and has had a great weekend.Today's blog post it about " Understanding different types of anxiety".

 It is not uncommon that every person will experience some kind of anxiety in their life , however there is a difference between experiencing anxiety and living with anxiety. When you are living with anxiety ,it is something you face everyday and is usually a life long disorder you will have to cope with throughout your life. Some people are diagnosed very young and some people may be diagnosed later on in life with an anxiety disorder , in my case I was 8 years old and was having counselling with CAMHS ( Child Adolescent Mental Health Service ) .
        When you are living with anxiety not every person with an anxiety disorder with experience the same anxiety and symptoms you will experience , each person is different. 
The 5 most common types of anxiety disorders are Generalized Anxiety , Obsessive Compulsive Disorder , Panic Disorder , Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Social Phobia / Social Anxiety Disorder. Each of these 5 disorders can link into each other depending on the person and how they cope with there personal circumstances , for example I have generalized anxiety but I also suffer with social anxiety and panic disorder , Where as somebody else who suffers with an anxiety disorder might only suffer with OCD ( Obsessive compulsive Disorder ). 

Generalized Anxiety  - Generalized anxiety is characterized by excessive and exaggerated worry or concern about most things in that person's life which may be very little to worry about , but because of there anxiety disorder there worries are hugely emphasized more than they should be even when things have not occurred yet or may not occur at all the worry is still there constantly. 


OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ) -  Obsessive compulsive disorder is when a person's unwanted thoughts becomes obsessive and there behavior becomes repetitive. People who suffer with OCD normally have obsessive behavior with things such as washing , counting , checking , cleaning. This usually will cause a lot of anxiety for the individual until the task is done , however does not get rid of anxiety but gives the individual a sense of temporary relief. 



Panic Disorder -  Panic disorder is another type of anxiety disorder where a person's anxiety can become present unexpectedly which can then duplicate there feeling of fear which will often result in a panic attack. The individual may experience physical symptoms such as chest pain , heart palpitations , shortness of breath , dizziness and abdominal pain. 


PTSD ( Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder ) -  PTSD is an anxiety disorder that develops after a traumatic event has occurred or a person may have experienced such a been threaten or harmed / assaulted ,natural or human caused tragedies and accidents. The person suffering from PTSD might experience flash backs or bad dreams of there trauma  and may experience physical symptoms.


Social Phobia - Social Phobia is when a person is overwhelmed with anxiety in everyday social situations. The individual can become fearful of been in social situations because of there anxiety and can often make the person want to avoid being in a social environment which could often make the individual hide away from society . The individual may feel very self-conscious in front of other people and worried about feeling humiliated, embarrassed, or rejected, or fearful of offending others. They may also have a hard time speaking to others and making friends.


     Physical Symptoms A Sufferer Of Anxiety May feel

• nervousness, restlessness, or being tense
• feelings of danger, panic, or dread
• rapid heart rate
• rapid breathing, or hyperventilation
• increased or heavy sweating
• trembling or muscle twitching
• weakness and lethargy
• difficulty focusing or thinking clearly about anything other than the thing you’re worried about
• insomnia
• digestive or gastrointestinal problems, such as gas, constipation, or diarrhea
• a strong desire to avoid the things that trigger your anxiety
• performing certain behaviors over and over again

• palpitations
• sweating
• shaking or trembling
• feeling shortness of breath or smothering
• sensation of choking
• chest pains or tightness
• nausea or gastrointestinal problems
• dizziness, light-headedness, or feeling faint
• feeling hot or cold
• numbness or tingling sensations 
• feeling detached from oneself or reality
• fear of “going crazy” or losing control
• fear of dying

If you are struggling to cope with anxiety disorder take a look at the following sites below for support :

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

http://www.sane.org.uk/home

https://www.nopanic.org.uk/

https://turn2me.org/page/anxiety-disorder-guide

https://www.mind.org.uk/

Thank you for reading :) 

Love Ava 

xox

Anorexia , Being A Mum & Body Changes

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is doing well. It has been a long time since I last posted a blog post on my mental health blog , I think the last time I posted my beautiful eldest daughter Daisie- Mae was about 6 months old , she is now 2 years old already!!! I also have a new addition to my family another beautiful daughter called Luna-Rose who is 9 weeks old. You could definitely say I have been busy and had my hands full with a new baby and 2 year old who has just hit the terrible twos. 

Today's post is about Anorexia and body changes which is something I have been struggling with lately. Those who have read my blog before will know I have struggled with anorexia for a long time and is still an on going battle. Although my eating habits have changes since I have had my two daughters , i don't starve myself  like I did before I had children. My eating habits might not what people consider enough for an average person but baby steps I suppose. My partner Alex is a big influence of taking steps forwards rather than backwards , he knows my limits , he knows when I cant eat anymore and he knows not to force me or over encourage me to eat. One of the main problems when you struggle with anorexia is that when it comes to food the emotion you feel guilt. Alex has always understood my guilt towards food and consistently reassures me that I should never feel guilty for eating. Does it help? No, the guilt never goes away but his reassurance lets me know he is there for me and will help me through it. 

After having two babies , my body has changed my hips are wider , my boobs have doubled in size and so has my bum. Most people would be happy about there boobs and bum getting bigger right? Well for someone who struggles with body image it just feels like more fat to add to the scales. When I had my eldest daughter my body bounced back to the size I was before I had her , but then again i hardly showed when I was pregnant with Daisie-Mae , even when I was in labour  in the delivery suite the doctor asked where was my bump because I didn't look pregnant. When pregnant with Luna-Rose I had a much bigger bump and you could visibly tell I was pregnant , my body hasn't bounce back the same as it did with Daisie-Mae  , which I have found incredibly mentally difficult to cope with. 

I know I need to accept that I have give birth to two babies and my body isn't going to be the same anymore. 

I came to the realization of this last week when I was out shopping with my mum and daughters , I spotted gorgeous lace purple dress I wanted to buy , I dont usually try on clothes in shops but I found the courage to go and try it on. My mum sat on the seats with my daughters in the changing room area , I put the dress on and I had the curtain open so my mum could help zip the zipper up. The shop assiatnat who worked the changing room area saw i needed some help with the zipper and she came across. She didnt either touch the zipper and said " Well that is not going to zip up , you need a bigger size" My heart just dropped and I looked back at my mum trying to fight back my tears. I know the shop assistant was just doing her job and she didn't know I struggle with body image but it destroyed me , my first reaction in my head was that she was calling me fat. The lady asked if i wanted the next size up , I declined got back dressed into my own clothes and I left that shop feeling devastated. It is one thing to know in your head your body has changed but then too hear it , is very grueling inside. 

I am going to finish tonight post here and continue to update my blog as regular as I can :) 

Goodnight 

Ava 

xox

5 Ways Which Help Reduce My Anxiety Symptoms

Hello everyone :)  I hope everyone is well and has had a lovely weekend ! :)
    If you have been following my mental health blog for awhile now you may know I have suffered with  severe  anxiety and panic attacks for a long time and thought I would share with you different ways which help my anxiety reduce when I experience symptoms.

1. When I am at home, mainly during the evening or night time I will get more anxious about things because your body starts to switch off and tend to over think things at night time. I have a news and magazine app on my phone which I will lie down on my side in bed and will read the news to distract myself when I experience symptoms of anxiety , which will help me focus on something else rather than my anxiety. 




2. Crossword or word puzzles are also another way to help me reduce my anxiety symptoms as again it helps take my mind of focusing on what is making me anxious at the time. 





3. If I am at home one of the symptoms I often experience with anxiety is shaking and my body goes ice cold so I have a hot bath or shower with some music on my phone left on the side of the cabinet to help me stop shaking. 





4. In whatever situation I am in , if I am at home or out and about , whenever I feel like my anxiety is increasing I phone my mum to help calm me down. Talking to my mum helps my anxiety decrease and turn my attention onto concentrating on the conversation with my mum. Phoning a loved one or friend who understands your anxiety might help reduce your symptoms of anxiety. 




5. Now I know not everyone has a car , and I cant drive myself but my fiance will often take me on long drives to help calm my anxiety. Ever since I was a child I have always found long drives calming and has often help decrease my anxiety symptoms as I concentrate more on my surroundings of which I see rather than what is making me anxiety at that moment. 








                                   Thank you for reading :)
                                          Love Ava
                                               xox

                                      

10 Annoying Things Which Are Said To Someone With Autism

 1. So what is it like being Autistic ?

( Because clearly someone with Autism just woke up one day and decided they are going to be Autistic for that day ? ) 

2. You look" normal " , you don't look like you have Autism.

( What is a person with Autism suppose to look like? )  

3. When someone is introducing you to someone and says " Oh she is Autistic so she wont speak very much. 

( Really? Don't even say my name first or say who I am ) 

4. You must be really good at Maths. 

( Not everyone with Autism is a mini Albert Einstein ) 

5. You can have sex right? 

( This is one of the most stupidest comments I have heard , Autism does not affect the capability of  your lady or man parts having sex with someone , however the communication skills of psychically meeting someone to have sex is a completely different story. ) 

6. " My friend's sister is autistic , you seem nothing like her." 

( Not everyone with Autism is the same! We are our own person and we all have different traits .) 

7. " Why aren't you looking at me when I am talking to you?"

( Did you know that for someone with Autism that eye contact can be very difficult and can actually sometimes be psychically painful for a person like myself who is more sensitive with sight .) 

8. Can you work? People automatically think you are incapable of being able to work or hold onto a job. 

( Many people with Autism can work , however there isn't always enough support for those with autism in employment.)

9. Do you have feelings? 

( Of course we have bloody feelings , just because we find it harder to express ourselves doesn't mean we don't have feelings.)

10. But you are not a child , how can you have Autism? 

( Because we clearly have been an adult all our lives...) 

Love Ava

xoxo

ANXIETY

Hello everyone , its been about 6 months since I posted on my mental health blog ,if you are someone who regularly read my blog I apologize for the none existence posts over the last 6 months. 
    Truth be told I haven't had time to blog , being a mummy to a 1 year old takes up a lot of time but now Daisie-Mae is getting more settled into a routine I am able to sit down once in awhile for 10 minutes or so. 
    Over the passed couple of months haven't been easy and my anxiety is worse than ever and most days I feel like I cant breathe. Planning a wedding , being cheated on , cancelling a wedding , my mum losing her job and coming to terms with being " disabled " I know as her only child it is my role now to help take care of her but I am worried I wont be good enough and will feel useless to help her needs , being accused of something that wasn't true and been reported to social services , death in the family , my daughter constantly being in pain with her tummy due to constant constipation with several trips to the doctors and A&E and still been in pain from birth from over a year ago because my lady part  stitches healed to tight which causes pain going to the toilet and intimate pain.
Lets just say I have had my hands full. 

     If anyone suffers from anxiety you will know understand what I mean when I say you don't know how to control it. Over the past couple of months my anxiety has increased and become worse. I feel like I can't breathe , I feel like someone is choking me constantly and I become scared that I am going to stop breathing. 
My anxiety attacks can happen at any time of the day but happen regularly during the night while I am in bed and I start shaking and become cold , I end up waking up and disturbing my partner because I cant calm myself and become tearful , my chest starts hurting and I feel like I am having a heart attack , I feel dizzy and faint and start screaming phone an ambulance because I become fearful. Anxiety mimics the symptoms of a heart attack so it becomes hard to recognize when you need medical help and when you can't calm yourself you don't know what to do. I am scared of being alone and I feel like I am becoming a burden to those around me and feel like everyone is better off without me , but I have to keep going for my daughter. I am fed up of constantly feeling in pain having body aches and pains , feeling like I am not in control of my body . I haven't been on anxiety tablets for two years and I am really trying my hardest not to go back on them as I suffered with side effects with them such as feeling sick , migraines and headaches. I am at a loss at the moment and feel fearful of my anxiety. I have always been able to help decrease my symptoms in the past , but recently I feel like I cant help myself or do not know what to do anymore.

Anxiety is something I have had since I was 9 years old or at least that is when I was diagnosed with anxiety. During the past year I have experienced different symptoms to anxiety which is very new to me and is scary to experience which makes me feel less in-control of myself  because I cant always predict when an anxiety attack will occur , previously I could recognize symptoms to get myself out of the situation that was making me anxious , where as now my attacks can happen spontaneously and sometimes I dont even know why I am anxious. 

I wish there was a magic wand that could make anxiety disappear  but there isn't. I am sure many of you who suffer with anxiety understand how I feel , anxiety is a lot more common than people think and it is important that it is talked about its something people all ages and all genders deal with and no matter how scary it is , it needs to be talked about to help each other. 





                     

Ava 

xoxo