Dear Reader , Love A Mum With Mental Health ( Open letter To Mental Health Sufferers )

 Dear Reader , 

Being a mum with mental health conditions has never been easy. Being a mum in general is not easy. Some days I don't want to get up , get washed and dressed. I want to hide underneath my bed sheets hoping that the pain I am feeling inside will go away. People who don't understand mental health often say , you have beautiful children and a loving husband what have you got to be sad about , why wouldn't you want to live anymore? Mental health goes much deeper than you realise. You see it is easy to feel that way when you feel not good enough , a failure as a mother and wife , you feel like they would be better off without you. Mental health can effect anyone at any stage in there life. For me mental health started early, I was 8 years old when I was diagnosed with serve depression and anxiety . My anorexia diagnosis came later on in my teens and then along came my Autism diagnosis  which my mum fought  for since I was 6 years old. When I was 8 I said to my mum that I didn't want to be here anymore and I couldn't understand why I felt that way . I have never had self love or thought that I was good enough for anyone. I have never really understand why I have felt like that, my mum gave me everything she could growing up even now till this day she is there anytime I need here despite her own struggles in life. Mental health is more complicated than people know.  Although autism isn't a mental health condition it is an invisible disability , it is a big part of my mental health as my brain is wired differently it causes me to see things and understand things differently which often trigger anxiety and depressive episodes. When I was younger it was hard to understand that especially as I got my autism diagnosis when I was 21. 

      I once got asked if anxiety is like getting butterflies in your tummy.  The answer is no. Anxiety is an evil and twisted illness that can really pollute and poison your own mind. My anxiety has got that bad on a handful of occasions that during an anxiety attack my symptoms mimic a heart attack . I literally thought I was going to drop dead there and then. Emergency services where called on those occasions and I felt stupid and embarrassed that my anxiety had caused that. Anxiety symptoms take a toll on a persons body , so I constantly feel drain and exhausted. Most days I want to hide away but I cant because I have my children to take care off. I have to get up a fight.

         The guilt I feel when I am having a bad day and the thoughts of ending my life run through my mind sometimes feels unbearable. When my 4 year old and 2 year old catch me crying and they are the ones that are wiping my tears of my face telling me your fine mummy , it breaks my heart. I look into there eyes and think to myself I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my 3 daughters . I hate myself for feeling that way but unfortunately you can't click your fingers and change the way you feel. 

  I tried to commit suicide at 17 , I took an overdose and my heart almost stopped. The paramedics saved me. I was bullied for a long time and my mental health was greatly effected. I have acted on those darks thoughts along with years of self harm. But my children are light in my darkness . It is hard to see a light when everything seems so dark but everyone has a light , it might not be obvious to you but it is there. 

When you have mental health it is hard not to take things personally from your children . Especially when they are misbehaving or they shout at you that they hate you and you are the worst mum ever because you said no to them trying to climb up a cupboard so they can pretend to be a fairy and fly off it! It is hard not to be sensitive and take it personally when you feel so low but you have to find some inner strength to ignore it . My mental health effects me daily , there a things I can't do in the outside world because of it. I admit I run away from things a lot because I am frightened . I probably will suffer with mental health for the rest of my life , mental health is apart of many people and we shouldn't feel ashamed that we suffer from it. 

I am expecting baby number 4 , another girl! I keep asking myself how am I going to cope , I feel like I am barely coping as it is. But I know I will keep going , keep fighting each day like I have always done.

Sufferers are not alone , so many people suffer in silence and I don't want that anymore . It is okay not to be okay. Nobody should feel ashamed or alone for something they can't control. We all have got this because we are still here fighting mental health our own way. Everyone has a different story when it comes to mental health but we are never alone. We are stronger than we think. 

One day I hope not to feel like this , you know when sufferers say that they don't want to be here anymore , it is not that we don't want to be here anymore . It is that we want the pain inside that we feel to stop but we don't know another way to make it stop without not being here. Mental health is a cruel disease. 

             Love Just A Mum 

           With Mental health     

                          xox 

 

AUTISM : Why A Knock At The Door , Phone Calls & Letters Are Distressing.... ( ADULT WITH AUTISM )

                          

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and has had a lovely Christmas and New year. Today I wanted to talked about certain situations being an adult with autism that I personally struggle with. 

                               

The Knock At The Door

Even as an adult I still need structure and routine , so If somebody knocks at my front who I am not expecting or I don't know is coming can often cause me to have a panic attack because I am thrown off guard. It can become a stressful situation that I wasn't prepared for , whether it is a family member who just turns up to say hello or a stranger trying to sell something, my mind and body goes into a state of distress and I end up hiding on the floor because I become that scared of who is at the door. Obviously having to young children means that sometimes the person knocking at the door can hear them especially when my eldest shouts " mummy who is at the door ". Which often means they will continue to keep knocking louder which causes more distress for me as I am sensitive to sound. No I don't answer the door because usually by this point I am in tears because I have got that overwhelmed and stressed out at the thought of who it could be. I have had bad experiences that have led me to be more anxious around  ' A knock at the door ' such as someone actually walking into my home and throwing a parcel across my living room. Last year my husband and I was in a bad financial position and debt collectors came knocking at the door and I hid my children and myself until they went which seemed like forever. I have had people look through my kitchen window thinking nobody was home (this has happened a handful of times ). They are experiences that haven't contributed well to my anxiety that is already there about opening the front door. I am aware it could be something as simple as the postman dropping a parcel off because next door are not in, but when you are not expecting anyone it sends you into a torment of anxiety and distress. The stress doesn't take you an hour to recover , it takes days to feel relaxed again.


                            

                                                     


Phone Calls 

Phone calls is another thing I personally find difficult , especially as there tends to be more information given to you over the phone. Understanding information is a big part of what I struggle with , I struggle to process information and I often need it  breaking down for me in order for me to understand it. Like 'the knock at the door ' phone calls cause a lot of anxiety and distress for me , so I often tend to avoid phone calls or my husband talks on my behalf if needed. In some circumstances I do have to speak on the phone to confirm my identity etc which I find incredibly overwhelming and difficult , so I often avoid those situations as much as possible. There was one occasion I had to speak on the phone and I didn't understand what they was asking me , I apologized and said I was autistic and asked if they could explain to me in a different way and they put the phone down on me. I felt stupid and useless that I didn't understand what they was asking me. Another reason which causes anxiety around speaking on the phone is that I can't actually see that person who is on the other end of the phones face. Even though I struggle with eye contact in person not being able to see a persons face or put the voice to a persons face is very hard to comprehend and can feel very confusing for me.  





                             




Letters/ Mail 

Letters are something else I really struggle with . Again a lot of information can be put into letters and I can't always make sense or break down what the information is saying. I do often have to ask my mum for help regarding anything letter wise to make sure everything is correct and I don't misunderstand anything. My husband has a form of dyslexia so he can struggle with letters to at times. So I do often always ask my mum for advice. Sometimes I can interpret little details different which could mean the whole letter could end up meaning something completely different to what it is intended and often I always think the worst of a situation. Usually when I think it is something bad I start getting upset and then it is a horrible circle of anxiety again. 






                                      Thank you for reading 
                                               Love Ava
                                                    xoxo

A Child With Autism Then Becomes An Adult With Autism ( School Struggles )

           

                       

Hello everybody! I hope everyone is well and has had a good week. I know I haven't posted in a while , I have been wiped out with morning sickness for the past few months. Yes that's right my husband and I are expecting baby number 3! It was a bit of a shock to say the least, but we have finally got our head around having another baby. 

   



                 
        Today's blog post I wanted to write about being an adult with autism. I have seen alot of parents recently post awareness about there child having autism especially since schools have started back. People seem to forget that children with autism grow up to be an adult with autism , those struggles that children face in school don't just fade away. I left high school a decade ago and I struggled a lot through both primary school and high school. The difficulties a faced then , I still face now. Although as adult you learn what works for you , what situation are going to overwhelm you or cause distress to you. As a child it is very confusing , you don't understand why you feel or see things a certain way which can cause so much anxiety for a child. Anxiety that a child is to young to understand why they feel that way and they can't explain it because they don't yet have the words to describe those feelings. 
         Sensory overload and anxiety have a big link for those with autism. As an adult you learn what kind of sensory overload can be distressing to you , so you take certain precautions to help you in that situation. For example noise is a big issue for me , so if I had to put myself in a situation where there is going to be a lot of noise , I would take some earphones to block out some of the noise or I would research the place to know my surroundings and see if I could find a quieter place. When you are a child with autism you don't have that understanding of why everything feels so loud , overwhelming and physically painful . If you are parent of a child with autism you might find your child tells you they have earache and although it might not be an infection earache , for your child it will feel that way because of how sensitive they are to sound. Unfortunately it still feels that way for an adult , but you learn what sounds your more sensitive too. 
    Does your child tell you to stop shouting at them? Even though you are not! The slightest change in the tone of your voice can make someone with autism feel like you are shouting at them. This happens a lot with my husband and he has to take his time to explain he wasn't shouting at me although it feels like he is. This can be extremely hard for children especially in a school environment it can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. 
     It is very important that a child with autism has support throughout school life , that teachers and other professional are made aware of an individuals struggles. This will help a child with autism have a less daunting school experience. Unfortunately I didn't have support throughout school life despite my mum fighting my corner for me to get the right support , I never got it. School failed me and many others my age , this has effected me as an adult as I haven't yet been able to go into a work role. I went back education on my own doing long distance learning and was able to pass all my courses but during school years I ended up missing a lot of school due to a lack of support and severe anxiety.  Work is something I would love to do , however been classed as" disabled"  has it limitation. Sometimes that is all people see you as and they think you are incapable of being able to do things just because you struggle more than others. I haven't been given the opportunity to be in a work role in fact I once got told I wasn't mentally well enough to work , which really knocked my confidence. 
      I am so happy that in the past few years more awareness of what autism is has been made aware. Hopefully this help children more , when I was a child there wasn't much knowledge or education on the subject , so its great to see people speak and stand up for those with autism. Autism is such a big spectrum that people don't even realise how big it is.  We all struggle in different ways and no two people with autism are the same , we may have similarities but we are all unique and different to each other , just like individuals without autism. 





                                    Thank you reading :)

                                      Love Ava 

                                        xoxo

My Sensory Palette ( Living With Autism )

Autism is something many people don't understand , you cant just ask a person like myself who has Autism what is it like to have Autism? Autism is something you are born with , it is something you will have your whole life , but usually will be diagnosed when a person starts to develop or develops in a way society would class as " not normal ." A person with Autism has never been anyone else but themselves so how can they explain what it is like to have Autism when they have never been anyone else to compare it to being someone without Autism. 

          However we can tell you what things we find difficult in day to day life. SENSORY is a big factor for someone with Autism which can make life hard work and a struggle. The simplest things for someone without Autism could be one of the most hardest things for someone with Autism. Every individual is different and we are all sensitive to sensory but we will not all be sensitive to the exact same thing. 

My Sensory Palette

Sound -  Alarms , Lawn mowers , tapping , Scratching noises are some examples I find sensitive to hear. I find it difficult to process sound when someone is talking to me and process the information but may be able to hear the tiniest pin drop on the floor. Depending on the tone of someones voice I can sometimes feel like someone is shouting at me , when they could be just talking normally because the sound can be to loud for me to listen too. When there is too much sound going on in a room it can be come psychically painful and can hurt my ears to listen too.

Sight - It is quite common for people with Autism to be visual impaired and need glasses like myself. However there is many other things that I am sensitive too when it comes to sight. Ever since I was little I have found it difficult to look at the colours orange and yellow as I find it painful  to visually  look at. Which means when the sun is out I tend to get lots of headaches , migraines and feeling faint as the outside is too bright for me , this feeling can also occur when indoor lightening is too bright and can cause sight sensitivity. Which is why I use corner lamps around the house rather than ceiling lights. 

Touch - For someone with Autism Touch is a common sensitivity that we will experience when it comes to sensory. The feeling of dry skin , seatbelts , velvet , wood are some examples of things I find difficult to touch. Sometimes when people touch me , tap me or hug me I feel uncomfortable and it can make me very jumpy. 

Taste - I am not as sensitive to taste as such, however if you have read my blog for awhile now you will know I have  had anorexia for a long time and my food needs to be in a certain order and can be very restrictive at times. Taste wise I find it difficult to cope with alternatives. For example I regularly drink pepsi max ,  if they had none left in the shop I would find it difficult to switch to diet coke or even diet pepsi. 

Smell -  Meat smells have always made me gag ( no offence to anyone who eats meat and it is not a judgement on what someone eats) the smell I just don't like and can sometimes can make me feel sickly. I can often smell different smells before others around me especially smells that progress.

For someone with Autism sensory overload can often cause the individual to be anxious and make them want to isolate themselves because everything becomes to much to process and can be very tiring and stressful for the individual. It is important  for the individual and loved ones to know the individuals triggers of what will overwhelm them and try and avoid sensory overload. 

Thank you for reading :) 

Love  Ava 

xoxo

       

10 Annoying Things Which Are Said To Someone With Autism

 1. So what is it like being Autistic ?

( Because clearly someone with Autism just woke up one day and decided they are going to be Autistic for that day ? ) 

2. You look" normal " , you don't look like you have Autism.

( What is a person with Autism suppose to look like? )  

3. When someone is introducing you to someone and says " Oh she is Autistic so she wont speak very much. 

( Really? Don't even say my name first or say who I am ) 

4. You must be really good at Maths. 

( Not everyone with Autism is a mini Albert Einstein ) 

5. You can have sex right? 

( This is one of the most stupidest comments I have heard , Autism does not affect the capability of  your lady or man parts having sex with someone , however the communication skills of psychically meeting someone to have sex is a completely different story. ) 

6. " My friend's sister is autistic , you seem nothing like her." 

( Not everyone with Autism is the same! We are our own person and we all have different traits .) 

7. " Why aren't you looking at me when I am talking to you?"

( Did you know that for someone with Autism that eye contact can be very difficult and can actually sometimes be psychically painful for a person like myself who is more sensitive with sight .) 

8. Can you work? People automatically think you are incapable of being able to work or hold onto a job. 

( Many people with Autism can work , however there isn't always enough support for those with autism in employment.)

9. Do you have feelings? 

( Of course we have bloody feelings , just because we find it harder to express ourselves doesn't mean we don't have feelings.)

10. But you are not a child , how can you have Autism? 

( Because we clearly have been an adult all our lives...) 

Love Ava

xoxo

How To Help Support Individuals With Autism Daily Routines

Every individual with autism has their own daily routine to help them live their everyday life , just like a neurotypical (individual's without autism) do to. Although a neurotypical individual's routine is not as extreme as an individual with autism , it is important to help support an individual with autism's routine. Supporting an individual can help the person with autism to achieve their goals , targets and help them live a normal life as possible.

Visual Supports :  Visual supports can be a very useful way to help individuals with autism , as they might find visual supports easier to understand and communicate with. It is important to consider an individual's communication preference in order to support the individual with autism . Not every individual with autism will need visual supports ,but for individuals who do may include the follow :

. Photos 
. Pictures 
. Symbols
. Real Objects 
. Calendars 








Colour Coding : Another way to help support an individual with autism's routine is colour coding , this may help the individual understand what tasks and responsibilities are compulsory to carry out and which are moderate. 
For example :
Red - Urgent
Yellow - Pending
Green - No rush 
This will help keep a structure and routine for the individual with autism in order for them to carry out their daily routines. 

    




Lists :  Many individuals without autism often use lists to remind themselves of things they need to do. This also can help individuals with autism to help organise and prioritise things they need to do. Lists can be written or they can be visual by using pictures or symbols. Individuals with autism need structure and creating lists can help provide reassurance for them to see their achievements.


For example : 

   






Electrical Equipment : Computers and mobile phones may be a useful way to help support an individual with autism as you can store information and set reminders on electrical equipment. 
For example :

-  Storing important information such as dates and times for social events , meetings , appointments and special occasions.

- Setting reminders relating to paying bills ( adults with autism ) 

- Texting an individual with a reminder to do something.



 








Task boxes , envelopes and files : Work and tasks can be sorted into set places such as task boxes , envelopes and files to help make sure the individual with autism does not misplace important information such as bills , letters and appointment cards and reminders. 

       






Social stories and comic strip conversations : For individuals with autism who struggle with verbal communication may find social stories and comic strip conversations easier to understand and can help their daily routine. 



 

 





Teaching materials for time and sequence : Teaching materials can include things such as sequence cards , games , timers and clocks can be used to help support an individual with autism daily routine. This can help the individual understand concept of time and schedules. Teaching materials can be used for a variety of different scenarios and tasks.
For example : 
- Completing everyday tasks around the home environment.
- Helping complete tasks in a working environment. 
- Learning activities in education.
- Planning meetings , appointments and social events and occasions.
- To help in travelling and using transport.


    

Household tasks : When it comes household tasks helping to provide a schedule , calender or rota for an individual with autism can help support them to have a structured routine each day.
For example :
Monday - Do the washing , drying , ironing and put away in wardrobes.
Tuesday - Doctors appointment at 2pm , post mail at the post office and prepare tea.
Wednesday - organise bills , clean bathroom and kitchen.
Etc...

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Love Ava 
xoxo