Bullied By The Inner Circle ( My Bullying Story)

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is doing well and are having a lovely day! :) Today's blog post is about the unpleasant topic of bullying. Unfortunately many people in today's society have experienced some form of bullying whether it be cyber bullying , mental , physical or emotional bullying. Bullying behaviour can occur from anyone , a friend , a parent ,a family member , a loved one , a teacher , a stranger. Bullying is not always visible , sometimes it happens behind close doors , when nobody is watching , where nobody can stride to your defence. For four years this was my life , bullied in the shadows by a girl who to the outside world appeared as a friend but behind closed doors she made my life hell. This is my story......

( I changed the actual person's name involved in this story to "Nicole")

When I was 14 I walked into my form room during school lunch time and there Nicole sat on a stool , alone with her palms covering her face while crying. I have known Nicole for years , we went to the same primary school but I hadn't spoke to her since back then. Nicole was a trouble maker even back in primary , always telling lies about people and trying to get people in trouble. Anyway I  hesitated to speak to her even though we were in the same form. I pulled up another stool and sat next to her , I asked if she was okay and if she needed to talk I would listen. She told me everything that was wrong , she smiled and wiped her tears away. She invited me round her house for tea, as she only lived literally around the corner from me I accepted the offer. That evening after school I went to hers for tea , we laughed , we joked , we watched T.v and a friendship was born! Or so I thought......

                   The next day at school I walked up to her and thanked her for inviting me to her house for tea. She was stood with her friends who she had fell out with the previous day which is why she was so upset . Nicole and her friends stood there and gave me a dirty look , Nicole said " What are you talking about? why are you talking to me?" I awkwardly said sorry and walked away. I over heard one of her friends say " What does that want ? What the hell is she on about?" I headed to form and not long after Nicole followed. 
        Nicole grabbed me by the arm and said " Don't speak to me in front of my friends again." In that moment I became terrified of her. She decided to sit next to me in form , my friends entered the form room and I said nothing... I was to scared to speak. My friends surprisingly greeted Nicole and asked if she was sitting with us today, as she never had done before. Nicole acted buddy buddy with my friends , while I still sat in silence. 
          From then on in front of people Nicole was nice to me , but when nobody was around she was horrible. She began to treat me like a pet , she told me to carry her bags , open her water bottle , give her some money , she would purposely drop things on the floor and tell me to pick them up because she knew I would. I was to afraid to stand up to her.
         A year later things had gotten worse. She would call me fat , ugly , a stupid bitch , she would trip me up in the middle of the street and burst out laughing at me. She would steal my personal belongings, She hit me in the face , she would pinch me on the arm , she would tell me to run to the shop and get her things. As I only lived around the corner from her , I knew I couldn't make up an excuse and I knew if I didn't do what she said , she would make things 100 times worse. She started spreading rumours that I was a prostitute. She would called me a slut , whore  and slag. She lied to my friends and said I had been saying nasty things about them , my friends turned against me and didn't want to know me any more.
       I felt more alone than ever , I was so scared of Nicole. She was making my life a misery. This carried on for another year , during that year a group of guys began cyber bulling me and Nicole egged them on by feeding them things to say to me. I began to self harm because I couldn't cope any more, Nicole found the scars on my arms and made fun of me calling me an attention seeking bitch.
               At 17 I finally had enough!!! I some how found the courage to stand up to her. She had text me to follow the orders she gave me , I text back saying " No I am done , stay out of my life for good." I thought it was over.... Boy was I wrong!
           The follow day I had constant texts from many different numbers sending me abuse. You fat bitch , you whore , you slut , kill yourself the messages said. This went on for days.... I finally broke down and told my mum what was going on. She comforted me and told me everything is going to be okay. The next day Nicole and her " friend" bashed on my front door , my step dad ran and opened the front door and Nicole pushed passed my step dad shouting and screaming at both of us with threats. My step dad told her to get out of his house before he would phone the police , Nicole and her friend left...

Nicole carried on to harass me , phone calls , social network sites , coming round to my house. I blocked her number , blocked her from social network sites!!! But she always found a way to contact me. She made new accounts to contact me , ringing me and sending messages using other people's phones. I wouldn't reply or pick up the phone.. Then one day I picked up the phone. I begged Nicole to stop and leave me alone. She started shouting down the phone " You disgusting fat bitch , I am going to make your life hell until your dead and I have buried you in your grave." 

     I hung up the phone and fell to the ground crying. I had enough, I was scared and couldn't cope any more. I ran to the  medication cupboard and grabbed all the tablets that where there. I went over to the sofa and sat down. I did not want to live any more , I took all the tablets in one go and overdosed. Not long after my step dad came home from work and  found me on the sofa and called an ambulance and I was rushed into resuscitation at the hospital. I later woke up on a ward and the nurses at the hospital took care of me till I was well enough to be discharged. 

The nurses and Psychiatrists at the hospital suggested to my Mum it would be wise to get the Police involved to stop the bullying. So My mum did and the bullying stopped. 

                  

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xoxox

The Violent One

The Violent One

A blistering Saturday evening in the summer of 2003. The BBQ sizzling swiftly with the local supermarket’s cheap meat firing away. Old friends clinking there beer bottles together with excitement while cheering with delight for no expressive reason. Listening to the summer beats playing in the background from the kitchen, while all the quests including myself sat outside on the plastic garden deck chairs which the hosts of the party owned. The summer breeze which spread rapidly as the evening progressed into the late night, and the guests started to tire out. The 9 year old me was exhausted, I sat on a garden deck chair with my legs tucked up to my chest with my cardigan wrapped around me. As I was the only child apart from a new born baby there that night I was getting bored as the night continued. The hosts of the party were friends of my Dad and Step mum. They had invited my Dad, Step Mum, Step Brother and myself to their summer party BBQ, although my Step Brother was not able to go to the party as he was visiting his Dad for the weekend.

          As the party began to come to an end and people started to say their goodbyes, I started to feel relieved that it was almost time to go home. I was tired; irritated from being too tired and being a child adult conversations tend to bore you, I was ready to leave. My Dad and Step Mum began to say their goodbyes to all their friends, and the taxi the hosts had phoned for us had arrived. My Step Mum had offered the taxi to a couple who she didn’t know but they were good friends with the hosts of the party. As the couple had a new born baby and wanted to get home as soon as possible, so they took the offer and thanked my Step Mum.

      The fury in my Dad’s intoxicated face.  His expression said it all, he was angry. Angry that my Step Mum had offer our taxi to someone else. We waited another 45 minutes for a taxi to arrive. By then it was the early hours of the morning, and the 3 of us said our final goodbyes to everyone and hopped into the taxi. The car pulled away from the host’s house and set off for the journey home. I was sat in the middle of my Dad and Step Mum in the back of the taxi; I just knew there was argument about to explode between them. I knew the reaction in my Dad’s face wasn’t going to let it go.

   Before I knew it, he had turned to my Step Mum and shouted “You stupid cow, what the hell did you let them take our taxi for.” “They have a little baby, you selfish bastard “said my Step Mum. “ I don’t fucking care, I wanted to go home” said my Dad. Stuck in the middle of them both I told them to stop fighting, while the taxi driver awkwardly carried on the drive home. Both my Dad and Step Mum were silent for the rest of the journey home. We paid the taxi man, got out the car and walked up the pathway to the front door. My Step Mum opened the door and took a stride into the hallway leading into the living room. The dog they both owned who was called Jack came running out of the kitchen and jumped around the living room with excitement that we were home. My Dad followed both myself and my Step Mum into the house shortly after while leaving the front door open, my Step Mum politely asked him to close the door and that is when the trouble began…..

    “Close the fucking door yourself” he said. “What? Why are you acting like this?” my Step Mum said. “Like what” he said while getting right up in her face. “ Oh just get lost you prick” she said... He raised his fist to hit her and at the same time my Step Mum swung her leg up and kicked him in the side of his leg to defend herself. He screamed “you bitch” while grabbing her by the neck and threw her to the floor. He sat on top on her and started choking her. She was gasping for air, and struggling to move from under his heavy weight. I started screaming “stop it, just stop it, get away from her.” I stood in fear, speechless of what was happening. A hot summer’s night suddenly felt frozen, turned to ice, the no existed chill in the air became real.

      I began to beg my Dad to get off my Step Mum; he wouldn’t listen to and started to aggressively punch her in the face. Jack became fearful to the violence that was occurring and hid behind the couch while squealing. I begged my dad again to stop hurting her, but he wouldn’t listen. My Step Mum had blood running down her face, a broken nose and a busted lip. I began to cry as I saw the blood dripping onto the floor. My Dad carried on hitting her and hitting her, he wouldn’t stop. I ran into the back room where a baseball bat was kept, I grabbed the bat and ran back into the living room. I started to hit the bat as hard as I could onto the side of the living room door to try and get my Dad’s attention hoping it would stop him hitting my Step Mum.  It didn’t work! So I dropped the bat to the floor and jumped onto his back to pull him off my Step Mum.  He struggled standing up with me on his back but once he did he grabbed the side of arm and threw me across the room into a brick wall. In the meantime my Step Mum had fought to stand up onto her feet, covered in her own blood.

           My Dad turned to me and told me to “Stay out of it or else.” He turned back around and grabbed my Step Mum by the neck once more and pushed her threw the open front door onto the grass in the front garden. She fell to the ground once again crying with pain. The next door neighbours awakened by the screaming and shouting started peeking through their bedroom windows. One neighbour came outside and asked my Dad if everything was alright. He walked over to the fence where the neighbour was to speak to him.

      Meanwhile Jack ran out of the house and through the unlocked gate, running away from the violence. I ran after jack chasing him down the street shouting his name, but he was too fast for me and I lost track of him. My Dad soon caught up with me, screaming “get back into that house you stupid girl.” I ran back to the house out fear of what he might do if he didn’t. I got to the end of the gate and My Step Mum was nowhere to be seen in the garden. I walked up to the front door and she came rushing out, she kissed me on the forehead with blood and her tears running down her face. She told me she was sorry and she had to go , she can’t stay here. She had rushed into the house to get the car keys, she ran to the car and waved goodbye to me. I started to cry again, I was confused, I didn’t understand what had happened; all I knew was that it was very wrong.

         I walked back into the house and shortly after my Step Mum waved goodbye, my Dad came back to the house. He raised his voice and told me to go upstairs and get ready for bed, I did exactly that and then I heard a barking. JACK!!! I ran down the stairs, unlocked the front door and there he was waiting at the end of the gate. I ran outside to get him; I picked him up, cuddled him and kissed him on the head. I started walking back towards the house and there my Dad stood staring at me… I gasped. He had a displeasured raged look in his eyes….. He was not my Dad anymore…..

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10 Daily Struggles Of An Adult With Autism

1. ROUTINE - I like routine and structure because I know what to expect. If my routine is disturbed I become distressed , overwhelmed and anxious , which will usually result in having an anxiety attack. 


2. SENSES - Sight , sound , touch and smell can be difficult to cope with on a daily basis. Personally I am very sensitive towards sound and sight such as bright light or any kind of artificial light. My sight can be very fragile and sensitive towards the colours yellow and orange. I also find certain textures to touch discomforting and can make me feel irritated.

3. UNDERSTANDING - I may come across like I am not listening to you , when in actual fact I am trying to understand what you are saying. Understanding what people are saying to you is like doing a jigsaw puzzle and you can no find that final piece of puzzle to complete the jigsaw. Just because a person with Autism does not understand you , does not mean they are stupid or dumb , it just means we understand things differently. 

4. DECISIONS - Almost every day I have to ask others for approval or to make a decision for me. I struggle at making my own decisions , and these decisions  can include things such as asking if I am allowed to get a drink when I am at home or If I can have a shower.  

5. ANXIETY -  Anxiety is a very common trait to have if an individual has Autism. Having high increasing and intense anxiety effects being able to communicate with others, such as working , education , social events or even relationships. Because of the anxiety we tend to like our own space and often isolate ourselves from the world.  

6. COMMUNICATION - Physically talking to others in person can be very difficult and distressing. We tend to not look at the person when speaking to them or we keep looking at our surroundings. Often people may also look to loved ones to speak for them. People who don't understand Autism tend to think it is rudeness or ignorance when we don't talk back or look away. We find it uncomfortable and very overwhelming which we can not control.


7. HUMOUR - Having Autism things said are often taken personally , due to not understanding jokes , figure of speech and sarcasm. I tend to take things to heart and become very emotional towards the " Joke". In my head, I think the individual telling the joke is purposely trying to insult or upset me without understanding it was a joke.

8. INSOMNIA - Due to the anxiety that individuals with Autism experience , lack of sleep often occurs which makes the day 10x harder for someone with Autism as their irritability and lack of patience will double. 

9. CONCENTRATION -  It is much harder for a person with Autism to concentrate. For example I struggle being able to move things without dropping them , opening packets or bottled lids , remembering things or not being able to focus on a certain activity I was doing. Also understanding maps or instructions of where to go and what to do I have a difficult time doing. 

10 . HEALTH AND MOVEMENT - Constant fidgeting , rocking arms and legs around , sitting in unusual positions , bad posture , toilet problems , sensitive to foods and difficultly hearing are also things                 an individual including myself experiences with Autism.

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Love Ava 

xoxo

        

20 Things You Should Never Say To Somebody With An Eating Disorder

1. You do not look thin enough to have an eating disorder.

( An eating disorder is not a body type , it is an illness in the mind)

2. Would you like to try some of this food?

( If the individual feels pressured and forced to eat the food it will back fire on the person offering the food )

3. You are just looking for attention for someone to compliment you on your weight.

( Making the person feel selfish and stupid for having an eating disorder)

4. Just eat more would you.

( Again will feel pressured) 

5. I wish I could loose weight like you.

( May encourage the individual to loose more weight)

6. You looked better before.

( Makes them feel confused and ashamed of their weight)

7. Why don't you just exercise?

( Makes the person feel stupid)

8. What have you eaten today?

( Feels like they are being watched at everything they do)

9. What is it like to have an eating disorder? 

( An upsetting and emotional question)

10. I didn't invite you out because you don't eat.

( Makes the person feel worthless)

11. You have eaten more than yesterday.

( Makes the person feel ashamed for eating more)

12. How much do you weigh? 

(Assuming they are fat)

13. If you think you are fat , then I must be fat too.

( feels bad about themselves)

14. If you eat everything will be better.

( Feels forced , confused , worthless and stupid)

15. You look healthier , you have put a little weight on.

( Thinks you are calling the individual fat)

16. I will make sure you will eat.

( Again Feeling forced to eat)

17. You will get over it soon enough.

( Makes the person feel stupid)

18. I am glad you have eaten something.

( Makes the person feel ashamed for eating)

19. Negative comments about somebody else's weight.

( Paranoid about what they may think of their weight)

20. I will buy you some food.

( Feeling controlled) 

( Being someone who has suffered with anorexia for the  past 8 years , these comments  have been personally made to me and have had a sensitive emotional effect on myself ,I thought I would write a little blog post to help people understand what comments said or made to a person with eating disorder could possibly find offensive and have a negative effect on the individual. However not every person with an eating disorder will have the same sensibility as each other , so they may find some comments more sensitive than others. I am in no means way saying that every person with an eating disorder feels this way , I have just written this from my own perspective of comments that have been made relating to myself having an eating disorder which I have personally found distressing.) 

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10 Positive Quotes To Encourage Positive Thinking And Motivation

1. Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. - Joseph Campbell 




2. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. - Helen Keller 



3. Minds are like flowers, they only open when the time is right. - Stephen Richards 



4. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. - Roald Dahl



5. You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream. - C.S. Lewis 


6. We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. - Walt Disney 


7. It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. - William Shakespeare


8.  For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. - Audrey Hepburn 

9. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. - Soren Kierkegaard



10. With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. - Eleanor Roosevelt 

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Understanding Phobias And The Difference Between Specific And Social Phobias

A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder that an individual has a consistent and exaggerated fear of a specific object , place or situation. This means the individual is most likely to avoid what they fear , although what the individual fears often poses no actual threat or danger to the person themselves. 

There are two different types of phobias. One called " Specific Phobias" which can also be known as " Simple Phobias". The other main phobia group is called " Complex Phobias" which may be referred to as " Social Phobias". 

Specific phobias are usually a phobia of a particular object or situation  that an individual may experience. Often specific phobias start at a young age and though some may grow out of their phobia, for others it may be a phobia they cope with throughout their life. 

Here are some examples of Specific phobias below:

Animal Phobias - It is not uncommon that an individual may have a fear of an animal. The most common animals fears are usually spiders , snakes , mice, birds , incests , cats and dogs. 

Environmental phobias - An individual may be afraid of thunder and lightening , hurricanes or tornadoes , water or even heights.

Situational phobias - Situational phobias tend to be related to situations or circumstances such as having a fear of flying , visiting the dentist , lifts and escalators or even being in small spaces.

Body related phobias -  Body related phobias often refer to having a fear of things such as injections , blood or vomit. 

Social phobias are  more complex than specific phobias. Individuals with a Social phobia tend be extremely anxious and very self- conscious in everyday social situations. Social phobia comes under the diagnose of  " A Social Anxiety Disorder" and individuals have an increasingly intense fear of being watched or judged by other members of society. For somebody with a social phobia their fear can be so severe that simple things for other people such as work , school , meeting friends or being social with people , shopping or everyday activities is very difficult for somebody with a social phobia. Their fear can be so extreme that it may effect and interfere with the individual from leading a normal day to day life.


Some Of The Most Common Phobias Include:

Social interaction fear - Social interaction includes things such as meeting friends , going to parties , meeting new people , busy places or even a working environment.

Performance fear - Performance fear relates to public speaking such as presenting a presentation to other individuals.

Observation fear - Observation fear relates to an individual having an intense fear of being watched or seen by others, even just walking down the street to the shop. 


AGORAPHOBIA 

A person suffering with a social phobia is most likely to suffer with Agoraphobia which is also an anxiety disorder. Agoraphobia is one of the more extreme social phobias , a person suffering with Agoraphobia is severely afraid of any kind of social situations. The individual feels like they are at a high risk of danger and becomes fearful of the outside world. The extreme anxiety they experience often leads the individual to become housebound.  

Other  Known Phobias :

Arachnophobia 
Emetophobia 
Dentophobia
Trypanophobia
Cibophobia
Erythrophobia 
Aerophobia  


Possible Causes Of Phobias      

There is no one particular set cause of why somebody develops a phobia. Every individual is different , therefore the causes of the individual developing a phobia will differ from each other. 

However here are some possible causes which may contribute to a person developing a phobia:


. Genetics - Genetics may contribute to a person developing a phobia. If there is a family history of someone having a certain phobia it is possible that an individual may have developed the same phobia. Some people may be born with a propensity to be more anxious than others. 

. Incident/ Trauma - A phobia can be linked to a specific incident or trauma that an individual may have experienced. For example somebody who got trapped in a lift / elevator because it broke , may become fearful of using  a lift / elevator and develop a phobia of  using elevators. 

. Learned Responses - The family environment may be a factor that can contribute an individual to developing a phobia. A person may have picked up on a family members responses and anxieties  towards different things in their earlier life. 





Psychical And Emotional Response Of Having A Phobia     


Psychical 


  Sweating  

Short Of Breath

Chest Pains 

Fast heart rate

Dizziness / Fainting 

Butterflies in their tummy 

Tearful 

Feeling like their are going to be sick
        

Emotional 

Disappointed 

feeling stupid 

Useless 

Unhappy 

Distress 

Embarrassed

Defeated 

Fearful 

Lonely 

Worried               

Self Help


Lifestyle changes may help an individual reduce the symptoms of a phobia. Lifestyle changes may include: 

. Regular exercise

. Regular and balanced meals 

. Getting enough sleep 

. Avoiding things such as caffeine or other stimulants 

Another self help is " Self-exposure Therapy " which includes the following : 

Relaxation techniques such as a variety of physical exercise , breathing exercise , meditation or yoga. This may help an individual to have some control of their breathing when suffering the symptoms of a phobia. Self help groups may be useful for an individual with a phobia , as meeting other people who share similar experiences as the individual could be useful as they may share different coping mechanisms with each other. 





Help , Support And Treatment 

For individuals who are struggling with a phobia there is help and treatments available to support them.

Here are some options available who seek help :


Counselling - Counsellors will listen to individuals problems and help them find a way to overcome their problems. 

Psychotherapy - A psychotherapist will use a more direct and in - depth approach to find the cause of the individuals problems and suggests coping mechanisms to help deal with their problems.  

CBT - CBT is a type of counselling that explores the individuals thoughts , feelings and behaviour which will help find practical ways of dealing with the individuals phobia. 

Medication - Medication is not essential but may help a person suffering with a phobia which causes them to have anxiety symptoms may be useful to some individuals. 

GP - Making an appointment to see there doctor is important  for an individual to seek help for there concerns about their phobia. A doctor can provide help and information for the individual and will usually refer the individual for therapy. 



More Help And Information        


MIND.ORG

HELP GUIDE. ORG

TOPUK.ORG

PHOBIA.ABOUT.COM

RCPSYCH

MAYO CLINIC

NHS CHOICES

BUPA UK







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