Hello everyone I hope you are all well and have had a good weekend.
The past week has been an dreadful week , my anxiety has been frightening to say the least and I feel like I am going backwards instead of forwards. I have had an anxiety attack everyday this week and I do not know what the cause of it is. I am feeling exhausted and drained. One minute I am fine the next minute I feel like i am being choked , like I can't breathe properly and I feel like my airways are being cut off. My chest constantly feels heavy , and I keep becoming dizzy and feel sick. For the past year I have had some strange phobia of eating and drinking things , I feel like my throat is going to close up and I am going to stop breathing even if I have eaten that food before. It is becoming a constant daily battle with these anxiety attacks and I am very scared. I have suffered with anxiety most of my life but over the past year I seem to be experiencing different symptoms to what I have experienced before and it is frightening. Usually I know how to help calm myself in anxious situations , but these symptoms are different and I don't feel I have any control of what my body is doing. I am tired and drained , my anxiety is making it hard to cope with daily life and it is hard to cope with two babies when you can't keep yourself calm. I feel guilty that my 2 year old daughter knows that something is wrong with me when I am crying and she says "mummy is crying , you are fine mummy it is okay and rubs my back and hugs me."
I wish my anxiety would stop , it is becoming so hard to go on each day fighting strong when you know your going to keep being hit with a wave of anxiety at anytime. I constantly feel like there is a lump in my throat. I cry everyday at the moment wishing I would stop feeling like this. My anxiety is making me not want to be here anymore , So I decided to go back to the doctors for help , because I can not cope anymore. I feel like a burden to everyone around me , I feel like they would be better of without me. I am so exhausted , I can't sleep properly , I am hungry all the time because anxiety burns energy off and then I get angry at myself for being hungry. It is a vicious circle. I just want it to stop so I can at least go out for one day without having to run back to the car crying can we go home.
Thank You For Reading
Love Ava
xox
Hello everyone , I hope everyone has had a lovely weekend. Today on my blog I am going to talk about something that I have been recently struggling with and I know many others have been too. I think the more we encourage others to talk about how we feel then maybe those who suffer with mental health will be less fearful of asking for help and we can try a fight this battle together.
In 2015 I wrote a blog post about my attempted suicide due to being bullied ( LINK ) in 2011 when I was 17. I am now 24 years old and haven't since tried , yes I have self harmed and punished myself in other ways. I fight those thoughts everyday of not wanting to be here anymore. When I was 17 I didn't think I had a future ahead of me , I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel , I just wanted my life to end. I have those days still but I have two children and a husband now who keep me going , I keep holding on fighting. It is hard when you say you don't want to be here anymore , but people around you tell you not to be silly your children need you. Sometimes I feel like they are better of without me , that I am a failure of mother to them , that they deserve so much more than me as a mum. Although I feel that , I also know that in a world of bad things around them , they need there mother to project them and that is me , my job to protect them. There are days where I want to hurt and punish myself but I resit the urge too , then I feel nothing but guilt for not punishing myself . I feel worthless most days , like I am not good enough or don't deserve to live. I have been to professionals many times for help and there answer seems to be medication , it may work for some people but for me personally is not a route I want to go down again. Before my children where born I was on venlafaxine for years after trying many different medication for depression and anxiety , venlafaxine didn't fix my problems but it kept me stable enough for me to get out of bed in the mornings. If any of you have been on anxiety or anti - depression medication you will know it can cause side effects. I want to keep a clear mind as possible around my children. So I set tasks to get me through the day to stay focused on something else instead of those nasty thoughts. They don't completely go away but they put them on hold for awhile just so I can get through my day. I do often get distressed and emotional and end up calling my husband at work so he can help calm me down and if i can't get hold of him I video message my mum. Sometimes I get scared and think I can't control myself and will do something silly and hurt myself when I feel so low. I feel so alone most days , I know my family loves me but I can't seem to shake the feeling of loneliness. I know many others are fighting this battle too and it needs to be spoken about more. I don't want to see more people take there life because they where to afraid to ask for help.
I am going to leave my post there and post an update on this subject in a few weeks time.
Thank you for reading
Love Ava
xoxo
Hello everyone! :) I hope everyone is well and has had a great weekend.Today's blog post it about " Understanding different types of anxiety".
It is not uncommon that every person will experience some kind of anxiety in their life , however there is a difference between experiencing anxiety and living with anxiety. When you are living with anxiety ,it is something you face everyday and is usually a life long disorder you will have to cope with throughout your life. Some people are diagnosed very young and some people may be diagnosed later on in life with an anxiety disorder , in my case I was 8 years old and was having counselling with CAMHS ( Child Adolescent Mental Health Service ) .
When you are living with anxiety not every person with an anxiety disorder with experience the same anxiety and symptoms you will experience , each person is different.
The 5 most common types of anxiety disorders are Generalized Anxiety , Obsessive Compulsive Disorder , Panic Disorder , Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Social Phobia / Social Anxiety Disorder. Each of these 5 disorders can link into each other depending on the person and how they cope with there personal circumstances , for example I have generalized anxiety but I also suffer with social anxiety and panic disorder , Where as somebody else who suffers with an anxiety disorder might only suffer with OCD ( Obsessive compulsive Disorder ).
Generalized Anxiety - Generalized anxiety is characterized by excessive and exaggerated worry or concern about most things in that person's life which may be very little to worry about , but because of there anxiety disorder there worries are hugely emphasized more than they should be even when things have not occurred yet or may not occur at all the worry is still there constantly.
OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ) - Obsessive compulsive disorder is when a person's unwanted thoughts becomes obsessive and there behavior becomes repetitive. People who suffer with OCD normally have obsessive behavior with things such as washing , counting , checking , cleaning. This usually will cause a lot of anxiety for the individual until the task is done , however does not get rid of anxiety but gives the individual a sense of temporary relief.
Panic Disorder - Panic disorder is another type of anxiety disorder where a person's anxiety can become present unexpectedly which can then duplicate there feeling of fear which will often result in a panic attack. The individual may experience physical symptoms such as chest pain , heart palpitations , shortness of breath , dizziness and abdominal pain.
PTSD ( Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder ) - PTSD is an anxiety disorder that develops after a traumatic event has occurred or a person may have experienced such a been threaten or harmed / assaulted ,natural or human caused tragedies and accidents. The person suffering from PTSD might experience flash backs or bad dreams of there trauma and may experience physical symptoms.
Social Phobia - Social Phobia is when a person is overwhelmed with anxiety in everyday social situations. The individual can become fearful of been in social situations because of there anxiety and can often make the person want to avoid being in a social environment which could often make the individual hide away from society . The individual may feel very self-conscious in front of other people and worried about feeling humiliated, embarrassed, or rejected, or fearful of offending others. They may also have a hard time speaking to others and making friends.
Physical Symptoms A Sufferer Of Anxiety May feel
- nervousness, restlessness, or being tense
- feelings of danger, panic, or dread
- rapid heart rate
- rapid breathing, or hyperventilation
- increased or heavy sweating
- trembling or muscle twitching
- weakness and lethargy
- difficulty focusing or thinking clearly about anything other than the thing you’re worried about
- insomnia
- digestive or gastrointestinal problems, such as gas, constipation, or diarrhea
- a strong desire to avoid the things that trigger your anxiety
- performing certain behaviors over and over again
- palpitations
- sweating
- shaking or trembling
- feeling shortness of breath or smothering
- sensation of choking
- chest pains or tightness
- nausea or gastrointestinal problems
- dizziness, light-headedness, or feeling faint
- feeling hot or cold
- numbness or tingling sensations
- feeling detached from oneself or reality
- fear of “going crazy” or losing control
- fear of dying
If you are struggling to cope with anxiety disorder take a look at the following sites below for support :
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/
http://www.sane.org.uk/home
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/
https://turn2me.org/page/anxiety-disorder-guide
https://www.mind.org.uk/
Thank you for reading :)
Love Ava
xox
