Hello everyone I hope you are all well and have had a good weekend.
The past week has been an dreadful week , my anxiety has been frightening to say the least and I feel like I am going backwards instead of forwards. I have had an anxiety attack everyday this week and I do not know what the cause of it is. I am feeling exhausted and drained. One minute I am fine the next minute I feel like i am being choked , like I can't breathe properly and I feel like my airways are being cut off. My chest constantly feels heavy , and I keep becoming dizzy and feel sick. For the past year I have had some strange phobia of eating and drinking things , I feel like my throat is going to close up and I am going to stop breathing even if I have eaten that food before. It is becoming a constant daily battle with these anxiety attacks and I am very scared. I have suffered with anxiety most of my life but over the past year I seem to be experiencing different symptoms to what I have experienced before and it is frightening. Usually I know how to help calm myself in anxious situations , but these symptoms are different and I don't feel I have any control of what my body is doing. I am tired and drained , my anxiety is making it hard to cope with daily life and it is hard to cope with two babies when you can't keep yourself calm. I feel guilty that my 2 year old daughter knows that something is wrong with me when I am crying and she says "mummy is crying , you are fine mummy it is okay and rubs my back and hugs me."
I wish my anxiety would stop , it is becoming so hard to go on each day fighting strong when you know your going to keep being hit with a wave of anxiety at anytime. I constantly feel like there is a lump in my throat. I cry everyday at the moment wishing I would stop feeling like this. My anxiety is making me not want to be here anymore , So I decided to go back to the doctors for help , because I can not cope anymore. I feel like a burden to everyone around me , I feel like they would be better of without me. I am so exhausted , I can't sleep properly , I am hungry all the time because anxiety burns energy off and then I get angry at myself for being hungry. It is a vicious circle. I just want it to stop so I can at least go out for one day without having to run back to the car crying can we go home.
Thank You For Reading
Love Ava
xox
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