The Suicidal Thoughts You Keep Fighting Everyday PART 3 - Medication Problems , Financial Stress & Feeling Scared

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and looking forward to there weekend.

 Personally the past couple of weeks have been mentally draining and in my last blog post I talked about how I was struggling to cope with my anxiety and that I made the decision to go back to the doctors and ask for help. 
The outcome of that was that I was put back on anti-depressants venafalxine  , however I reacted to the medication prescribed and ended up been taken into hospital in an ambulance , which I am still struggling to understand why I reacted to it when I had venaflaxine for years but stopped taking them when I found out I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. After my hospital trip I went back to my doctor and he agreed medication would not be best for me , especially when my anxiety revolves around what is put in my body it is just going to cause more anxiety and distress.
I am trying to get through each day , I feel mentally , physically and emotionally drained. 
Financial stress and worry is not helping my anxiety either. My husband and I are struggling financial , struggling to pay bills and to put food on the table each week. There is sometimes weeks we avoid food shopping because we know we cant afford it , we always make sure are children are fed and there is always something there for them but there is times were we have skipped meals so there is enough food to last the rest of the week. The financial stress is causing arguments between us which I suppose finance is one of the most common things couples fight. It is just constantly one thing after another money wise , there is more going out than there is coming in. 
My anxiety is making me want to hurt myself because that is the only way I can feel any release from it. I am scared of myself and I sometimes think I am my own worst enemy. I feel nothing but hate towards myself at the moment , I sometimes feel like I want to run away and hide but I know my babies need me even if I feel like the worst mum in the world. They are the reason I am still here fighting everyday. Any happiness I feel , a constant unnerving  feeling of guilt always seems to be in the my stomach. It is a constant vicious circle....




I am going to leave today's blog post there and continue with updates.

Thank you for reading 

Love Ava

xox

The Day-To-Day Difficulties That An Individual With A Mental Health Problem/ Condition Will Face

Many people who do not have a mental health problem/ condition or an understanding of the topic, often have an unintentional ignorance of understanding how difficult day-to-day life can be and how demanding and stressful life can be for an individual with a mental health problem. 

Every individual with a mental health problem day-to-day difficulties will differ, not every person will experience the same difficulties as each other, but will have an understanding of how hard others may find it due to the struggles they experience themselves. 

Day - To - Day Difficulties 

Coping With Day-To-Day Activities -  

Depending on the extent of the individuals illness ,individuals may experience struggling with preparing meals , getting dressed , personal hygiene , cleaning the house , looking after children and following a routine / schedule. 

Coping Financially -

People suffering with a mental health problem/condition may find their finances difficult to cope with. Individuals may struggle with budgeting, planning and keeping track of bills and payments. 

Employment 

Mental health problems/conditions can effect an individuals employment opportunities. A person with mental health problems may find it difficult to communicate and engage within the working environment. Deadlines and managing their work may be struggling for the individual due to the stresses of their mental health condition.  

Self-Image 

Mental health conditions can affect a person's self-esteem and how they view themselves. Self-hate and anger towards themselves can often lead the individual into a depressive state of mind and could increase further mental health problems. 

Education 

Like employment a person's education could be affect if suffering with a mental health problem , due to their social and communication abilities. The individual may isolate themselves from others around and find it difficult to concentrate on there education.   

Relationships

Mental health problems/conditions can have a negative impact on the sufferers relationships. The individual can often isolate themselves from loved ones and lack communication. This could cause stresses for others around including the sufferer. 

Sleep

It is common that individuals with mental health problems/conditions have difficult sleeping due to their anxieties and stresses they face. Lack of sleep can often lead to sleeping disorders because of being trapped in a routine of having lack of sleep. 

Eating

Individuals with a mental health problem/condition are more likely to have dysfunctional eating habits , whether it is over eating due to feeling comfort from food or starving themselves due to having a lack of appetite. Both could lead to eating disorders and become very unhealthy for the individual.   

Psychical Health 

A person psychical health could also be affected because of the pressure and stress the sufferers mental health condition can cause. For example somebody who sufferers with serve anxiety could lead the individual to have blood pressure problems. 

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Having An Eating Disorder Doesn't Mean People Should Avoid You....

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and are having a lovely week.If you have been following my blog for awhile now you may be aware that I have suffered with Anorexia / Eating disorder for a long time.

       Having an eating disorder often means people around you tend to avoid you when it comes to social occasions and events. Individuals tend not to invite you out to places because you have an eating disorder. I understand that they do not want to you to be uncomfortable around an environment where there is food. However not inviting a person with an eating disorder out can actually be emotionally damaging for the person with an eating disorder. It can make the individual feel like others are ashamed of  them.

   Many individuals with an eating disorder including myself are very capable of being able to sit in a restaurant or food environment with family , friends or colleagues and sit and have something to drink while others eat. If the person with an eating disorder feels emotionally , psychically and mentally prepared to eat something while out , they will simply order something that they feel capable of eating. We are likely to leave some of the food , but we are willing to try.

Comments That Should Never Be Made To The Individual While Out Eating

1. Oh you are eating something this time.

( Makes the individual feel guilty for eating )

2. Why did you not finish all of your meal? 

( We have are limits of what we are capable of consuming )

3. Please eat some more food.

( Makes the individual feel under pressure and forced to do something they can not physically do)

4. Asking questions about what they have order to eat and why.

( Feeling judged about their diet ) 

5. Do you want some of my food instead?

( Feeling forced )

6. You ate more than you usually do.

( Makes the individual feel ashamed of eating ) 

Knowing that you don't get invited to places because you have an eating disorder can be very hurtful. This has happened to me on several occasions and it makes you feel ashamed of who you are. Yes I struggle with food , but that does not mean I want to be avoided because of it. I have an issue with what I consume and put in MY body , not what others put in there body. Somebody else eating does not upset an individual with an eating disorder. However if a person who does not have an eating disorder puts food up to the individual with an eating disorder's mouth and says silly comments like " Come on... Eat it.. " is obviously bound to upset the individual. Unfortunately this has happened to me , I was left feeling mortified,embarrassed and devastated.

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xoxox

     

Bullied By The Inner Circle ( My Bullying Story)

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is doing well and are having a lovely day! :) Today's blog post is about the unpleasant topic of bullying. Unfortunately many people in today's society have experienced some form of bullying whether it be cyber bullying , mental , physical or emotional bullying. Bullying behaviour can occur from anyone , a friend , a parent ,a family member , a loved one , a teacher , a stranger. Bullying is not always visible , sometimes it happens behind close doors , when nobody is watching , where nobody can stride to your defence. For four years this was my life , bullied in the shadows by a girl who to the outside world appeared as a friend but behind closed doors she made my life hell. This is my story......

( I changed the actual person's name involved in this story to "Nicole")

When I was 14 I walked into my form room during school lunch time and there Nicole sat on a stool , alone with her palms covering her face while crying. I have known Nicole for years , we went to the same primary school but I hadn't spoke to her since back then. Nicole was a trouble maker even back in primary , always telling lies about people and trying to get people in trouble. Anyway I  hesitated to speak to her even though we were in the same form. I pulled up another stool and sat next to her , I asked if she was okay and if she needed to talk I would listen. She told me everything that was wrong , she smiled and wiped her tears away. She invited me round her house for tea, as she only lived literally around the corner from me I accepted the offer. That evening after school I went to hers for tea , we laughed , we joked , we watched T.v and a friendship was born! Or so I thought......

                   The next day at school I walked up to her and thanked her for inviting me to her house for tea. She was stood with her friends who she had fell out with the previous day which is why she was so upset . Nicole and her friends stood there and gave me a dirty look , Nicole said " What are you talking about? why are you talking to me?" I awkwardly said sorry and walked away. I over heard one of her friends say " What does that want ? What the hell is she on about?" I headed to form and not long after Nicole followed. 
        Nicole grabbed me by the arm and said " Don't speak to me in front of my friends again." In that moment I became terrified of her. She decided to sit next to me in form , my friends entered the form room and I said nothing... I was to scared to speak. My friends surprisingly greeted Nicole and asked if she was sitting with us today, as she never had done before. Nicole acted buddy buddy with my friends , while I still sat in silence. 
          From then on in front of people Nicole was nice to me , but when nobody was around she was horrible. She began to treat me like a pet , she told me to carry her bags , open her water bottle , give her some money , she would purposely drop things on the floor and tell me to pick them up because she knew I would. I was to afraid to stand up to her.
         A year later things had gotten worse. She would call me fat , ugly , a stupid bitch , she would trip me up in the middle of the street and burst out laughing at me. She would steal my personal belongings, She hit me in the face , she would pinch me on the arm , she would tell me to run to the shop and get her things. As I only lived around the corner from her , I knew I couldn't make up an excuse and I knew if I didn't do what she said , she would make things 100 times worse. She started spreading rumours that I was a prostitute. She would called me a slut , whore  and slag. She lied to my friends and said I had been saying nasty things about them , my friends turned against me and didn't want to know me any more.
       I felt more alone than ever , I was so scared of Nicole. She was making my life a misery. This carried on for another year , during that year a group of guys began cyber bulling me and Nicole egged them on by feeding them things to say to me. I began to self harm because I couldn't cope any more, Nicole found the scars on my arms and made fun of me calling me an attention seeking bitch.
               At 17 I finally had enough!!! I some how found the courage to stand up to her. She had text me to follow the orders she gave me , I text back saying " No I am done , stay out of my life for good." I thought it was over.... Boy was I wrong!
           The follow day I had constant texts from many different numbers sending me abuse. You fat bitch , you whore , you slut , kill yourself the messages said. This went on for days.... I finally broke down and told my mum what was going on. She comforted me and told me everything is going to be okay. The next day Nicole and her " friend" bashed on my front door , my step dad ran and opened the front door and Nicole pushed passed my step dad shouting and screaming at both of us with threats. My step dad told her to get out of his house before he would phone the police , Nicole and her friend left...

Nicole carried on to harass me , phone calls , social network sites , coming round to my house. I blocked her number , blocked her from social network sites!!! But she always found a way to contact me. She made new accounts to contact me , ringing me and sending messages using other people's phones. I wouldn't reply or pick up the phone.. Then one day I picked up the phone. I begged Nicole to stop and leave me alone. She started shouting down the phone " You disgusting fat bitch , I am going to make your life hell until your dead and I have buried you in your grave." 

     I hung up the phone and fell to the ground crying. I had enough, I was scared and couldn't cope any more. I ran to the  medication cupboard and grabbed all the tablets that where there. I went over to the sofa and sat down. I did not want to live any more , I took all the tablets in one go and overdosed. Not long after my step dad came home from work and  found me on the sofa and called an ambulance and I was rushed into resuscitation at the hospital. I later woke up on a ward and the nurses at the hospital took care of me till I was well enough to be discharged. 

The nurses and Psychiatrists at the hospital suggested to my Mum it would be wise to get the Police involved to stop the bullying. So My mum did and the bullying stopped. 

                  

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Love Ava

xoxox

20 Things You Should Never Say To Somebody With An Eating Disorder

1. You do not look thin enough to have an eating disorder.

( An eating disorder is not a body type , it is an illness in the mind)

2. Would you like to try some of this food?

( If the individual feels pressured and forced to eat the food it will back fire on the person offering the food )

3. You are just looking for attention for someone to compliment you on your weight.

( Making the person feel selfish and stupid for having an eating disorder)

4. Just eat more would you.

( Again will feel pressured) 

5. I wish I could loose weight like you.

( May encourage the individual to loose more weight)

6. You looked better before.

( Makes them feel confused and ashamed of their weight)

7. Why don't you just exercise?

( Makes the person feel stupid)

8. What have you eaten today?

( Feels like they are being watched at everything they do)

9. What is it like to have an eating disorder? 

( An upsetting and emotional question)

10. I didn't invite you out because you don't eat.

( Makes the person feel worthless)

11. You have eaten more than yesterday.

( Makes the person feel ashamed for eating more)

12. How much do you weigh? 

(Assuming they are fat)

13. If you think you are fat , then I must be fat too.

( feels bad about themselves)

14. If you eat everything will be better.

( Feels forced , confused , worthless and stupid)

15. You look healthier , you have put a little weight on.

( Thinks you are calling the individual fat)

16. I will make sure you will eat.

( Again Feeling forced to eat)

17. You will get over it soon enough.

( Makes the person feel stupid)

18. I am glad you have eaten something.

( Makes the person feel ashamed for eating)

19. Negative comments about somebody else's weight.

( Paranoid about what they may think of their weight)

20. I will buy you some food.

( Feeling controlled) 

( Being someone who has suffered with anorexia for the  past 8 years , these comments  have been personally made to me and have had a sensitive emotional effect on myself ,I thought I would write a little blog post to help people understand what comments said or made to a person with eating disorder could possibly find offensive and have a negative effect on the individual. However not every person with an eating disorder will have the same sensibility as each other , so they may find some comments more sensitive than others. I am in no means way saying that every person with an eating disorder feels this way , I have just written this from my own perspective of comments that have been made relating to myself having an eating disorder which I have personally found distressing.) 

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xoxox

  

Understanding Phobias And The Difference Between Specific And Social Phobias

A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder that an individual has a consistent and exaggerated fear of a specific object , place or situation. This means the individual is most likely to avoid what they fear , although what the individual fears often poses no actual threat or danger to the person themselves. 

There are two different types of phobias. One called " Specific Phobias" which can also be known as " Simple Phobias". The other main phobia group is called " Complex Phobias" which may be referred to as " Social Phobias". 

Specific phobias are usually a phobia of a particular object or situation  that an individual may experience. Often specific phobias start at a young age and though some may grow out of their phobia, for others it may be a phobia they cope with throughout their life. 

Here are some examples of Specific phobias below:

Animal Phobias - It is not uncommon that an individual may have a fear of an animal. The most common animals fears are usually spiders , snakes , mice, birds , incests , cats and dogs. 

Environmental phobias - An individual may be afraid of thunder and lightening , hurricanes or tornadoes , water or even heights.

Situational phobias - Situational phobias tend to be related to situations or circumstances such as having a fear of flying , visiting the dentist , lifts and escalators or even being in small spaces.

Body related phobias -  Body related phobias often refer to having a fear of things such as injections , blood or vomit. 

Social phobias are  more complex than specific phobias. Individuals with a Social phobia tend be extremely anxious and very self- conscious in everyday social situations. Social phobia comes under the diagnose of  " A Social Anxiety Disorder" and individuals have an increasingly intense fear of being watched or judged by other members of society. For somebody with a social phobia their fear can be so severe that simple things for other people such as work , school , meeting friends or being social with people , shopping or everyday activities is very difficult for somebody with a social phobia. Their fear can be so extreme that it may effect and interfere with the individual from leading a normal day to day life.


Some Of The Most Common Phobias Include:

Social interaction fear - Social interaction includes things such as meeting friends , going to parties , meeting new people , busy places or even a working environment.

Performance fear - Performance fear relates to public speaking such as presenting a presentation to other individuals.

Observation fear - Observation fear relates to an individual having an intense fear of being watched or seen by others, even just walking down the street to the shop. 


AGORAPHOBIA 

A person suffering with a social phobia is most likely to suffer with Agoraphobia which is also an anxiety disorder. Agoraphobia is one of the more extreme social phobias , a person suffering with Agoraphobia is severely afraid of any kind of social situations. The individual feels like they are at a high risk of danger and becomes fearful of the outside world. The extreme anxiety they experience often leads the individual to become housebound.  

Other  Known Phobias :

Arachnophobia 
Emetophobia 
Dentophobia
Trypanophobia
Cibophobia
Erythrophobia 
Aerophobia  


Possible Causes Of Phobias      

There is no one particular set cause of why somebody develops a phobia. Every individual is different , therefore the causes of the individual developing a phobia will differ from each other. 

However here are some possible causes which may contribute to a person developing a phobia:


. Genetics - Genetics may contribute to a person developing a phobia. If there is a family history of someone having a certain phobia it is possible that an individual may have developed the same phobia. Some people may be born with a propensity to be more anxious than others. 

. Incident/ Trauma - A phobia can be linked to a specific incident or trauma that an individual may have experienced. For example somebody who got trapped in a lift / elevator because it broke , may become fearful of using  a lift / elevator and develop a phobia of  using elevators. 

. Learned Responses - The family environment may be a factor that can contribute an individual to developing a phobia. A person may have picked up on a family members responses and anxieties  towards different things in their earlier life. 





Psychical And Emotional Response Of Having A Phobia     


Psychical 


  Sweating  

Short Of Breath

Chest Pains 

Fast heart rate

Dizziness / Fainting 

Butterflies in their tummy 

Tearful 

Feeling like their are going to be sick
        

Emotional 

Disappointed 

feeling stupid 

Useless 

Unhappy 

Distress 

Embarrassed

Defeated 

Fearful 

Lonely 

Worried               

Self Help


Lifestyle changes may help an individual reduce the symptoms of a phobia. Lifestyle changes may include: 

. Regular exercise

. Regular and balanced meals 

. Getting enough sleep 

. Avoiding things such as caffeine or other stimulants 

Another self help is " Self-exposure Therapy " which includes the following : 

Relaxation techniques such as a variety of physical exercise , breathing exercise , meditation or yoga. This may help an individual to have some control of their breathing when suffering the symptoms of a phobia. Self help groups may be useful for an individual with a phobia , as meeting other people who share similar experiences as the individual could be useful as they may share different coping mechanisms with each other. 





Help , Support And Treatment 

For individuals who are struggling with a phobia there is help and treatments available to support them.

Here are some options available who seek help :


Counselling - Counsellors will listen to individuals problems and help them find a way to overcome their problems. 

Psychotherapy - A psychotherapist will use a more direct and in - depth approach to find the cause of the individuals problems and suggests coping mechanisms to help deal with their problems.  

CBT - CBT is a type of counselling that explores the individuals thoughts , feelings and behaviour which will help find practical ways of dealing with the individuals phobia. 

Medication - Medication is not essential but may help a person suffering with a phobia which causes them to have anxiety symptoms may be useful to some individuals. 

GP - Making an appointment to see there doctor is important  for an individual to seek help for there concerns about their phobia. A doctor can provide help and information for the individual and will usually refer the individual for therapy. 



More Help And Information        


MIND.ORG

HELP GUIDE. ORG

TOPUK.ORG

PHOBIA.ABOUT.COM

RCPSYCH

MAYO CLINIC

NHS CHOICES

BUPA UK







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xoxox