Having An Eating Disorder Doesn't Mean People Should Avoid You....

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is well and are having a lovely week.If you have been following my blog for awhile now you may be aware that I have suffered with Anorexia / Eating disorder for a long time.

       Having an eating disorder often means people around you tend to avoid you when it comes to social occasions and events. Individuals tend not to invite you out to places because you have an eating disorder. I understand that they do not want to you to be uncomfortable around an environment where there is food. However not inviting a person with an eating disorder out can actually be emotionally damaging for the person with an eating disorder. It can make the individual feel like others are ashamed of  them.

   Many individuals with an eating disorder including myself are very capable of being able to sit in a restaurant or food environment with family , friends or colleagues and sit and have something to drink while others eat. If the person with an eating disorder feels emotionally , psychically and mentally prepared to eat something while out , they will simply order something that they feel capable of eating. We are likely to leave some of the food , but we are willing to try.

Comments That Should Never Be Made To The Individual While Out Eating

1. Oh you are eating something this time.

( Makes the individual feel guilty for eating )

2. Why did you not finish all of your meal? 

( We have are limits of what we are capable of consuming )

3. Please eat some more food.

( Makes the individual feel under pressure and forced to do something they can not physically do)

4. Asking questions about what they have order to eat and why.

( Feeling judged about their diet ) 

5. Do you want some of my food instead?

( Feeling forced )

6. You ate more than you usually do.

( Makes the individual feel ashamed of eating ) 

Knowing that you don't get invited to places because you have an eating disorder can be very hurtful. This has happened to me on several occasions and it makes you feel ashamed of who you are. Yes I struggle with food , but that does not mean I want to be avoided because of it. I have an issue with what I consume and put in MY body , not what others put in there body. Somebody else eating does not upset an individual with an eating disorder. However if a person who does not have an eating disorder puts food up to the individual with an eating disorder's mouth and says silly comments like " Come on... Eat it.. " is obviously bound to upset the individual. Unfortunately this has happened to me , I was left feeling mortified,embarrassed and devastated.

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xoxox

     

Bullied By The Inner Circle ( My Bullying Story)

Hello everyone , I hope everyone is doing well and are having a lovely day! :) Today's blog post is about the unpleasant topic of bullying. Unfortunately many people in today's society have experienced some form of bullying whether it be cyber bullying , mental , physical or emotional bullying. Bullying behaviour can occur from anyone , a friend , a parent ,a family member , a loved one , a teacher , a stranger. Bullying is not always visible , sometimes it happens behind close doors , when nobody is watching , where nobody can stride to your defence. For four years this was my life , bullied in the shadows by a girl who to the outside world appeared as a friend but behind closed doors she made my life hell. This is my story......

( I changed the actual person's name involved in this story to "Nicole")

When I was 14 I walked into my form room during school lunch time and there Nicole sat on a stool , alone with her palms covering her face while crying. I have known Nicole for years , we went to the same primary school but I hadn't spoke to her since back then. Nicole was a trouble maker even back in primary , always telling lies about people and trying to get people in trouble. Anyway I  hesitated to speak to her even though we were in the same form. I pulled up another stool and sat next to her , I asked if she was okay and if she needed to talk I would listen. She told me everything that was wrong , she smiled and wiped her tears away. She invited me round her house for tea, as she only lived literally around the corner from me I accepted the offer. That evening after school I went to hers for tea , we laughed , we joked , we watched T.v and a friendship was born! Or so I thought......

                   The next day at school I walked up to her and thanked her for inviting me to her house for tea. She was stood with her friends who she had fell out with the previous day which is why she was so upset . Nicole and her friends stood there and gave me a dirty look , Nicole said " What are you talking about? why are you talking to me?" I awkwardly said sorry and walked away. I over heard one of her friends say " What does that want ? What the hell is she on about?" I headed to form and not long after Nicole followed. 
        Nicole grabbed me by the arm and said " Don't speak to me in front of my friends again." In that moment I became terrified of her. She decided to sit next to me in form , my friends entered the form room and I said nothing... I was to scared to speak. My friends surprisingly greeted Nicole and asked if she was sitting with us today, as she never had done before. Nicole acted buddy buddy with my friends , while I still sat in silence. 
          From then on in front of people Nicole was nice to me , but when nobody was around she was horrible. She began to treat me like a pet , she told me to carry her bags , open her water bottle , give her some money , she would purposely drop things on the floor and tell me to pick them up because she knew I would. I was to afraid to stand up to her.
         A year later things had gotten worse. She would call me fat , ugly , a stupid bitch , she would trip me up in the middle of the street and burst out laughing at me. She would steal my personal belongings, She hit me in the face , she would pinch me on the arm , she would tell me to run to the shop and get her things. As I only lived around the corner from her , I knew I couldn't make up an excuse and I knew if I didn't do what she said , she would make things 100 times worse. She started spreading rumours that I was a prostitute. She would called me a slut , whore  and slag. She lied to my friends and said I had been saying nasty things about them , my friends turned against me and didn't want to know me any more.
       I felt more alone than ever , I was so scared of Nicole. She was making my life a misery. This carried on for another year , during that year a group of guys began cyber bulling me and Nicole egged them on by feeding them things to say to me. I began to self harm because I couldn't cope any more, Nicole found the scars on my arms and made fun of me calling me an attention seeking bitch.
               At 17 I finally had enough!!! I some how found the courage to stand up to her. She had text me to follow the orders she gave me , I text back saying " No I am done , stay out of my life for good." I thought it was over.... Boy was I wrong!
           The follow day I had constant texts from many different numbers sending me abuse. You fat bitch , you whore , you slut , kill yourself the messages said. This went on for days.... I finally broke down and told my mum what was going on. She comforted me and told me everything is going to be okay. The next day Nicole and her " friend" bashed on my front door , my step dad ran and opened the front door and Nicole pushed passed my step dad shouting and screaming at both of us with threats. My step dad told her to get out of his house before he would phone the police , Nicole and her friend left...

Nicole carried on to harass me , phone calls , social network sites , coming round to my house. I blocked her number , blocked her from social network sites!!! But she always found a way to contact me. She made new accounts to contact me , ringing me and sending messages using other people's phones. I wouldn't reply or pick up the phone.. Then one day I picked up the phone. I begged Nicole to stop and leave me alone. She started shouting down the phone " You disgusting fat bitch , I am going to make your life hell until your dead and I have buried you in your grave." 

     I hung up the phone and fell to the ground crying. I had enough, I was scared and couldn't cope any more. I ran to the  medication cupboard and grabbed all the tablets that where there. I went over to the sofa and sat down. I did not want to live any more , I took all the tablets in one go and overdosed. Not long after my step dad came home from work and  found me on the sofa and called an ambulance and I was rushed into resuscitation at the hospital. I later woke up on a ward and the nurses at the hospital took care of me till I was well enough to be discharged. 

The nurses and Psychiatrists at the hospital suggested to my Mum it would be wise to get the Police involved to stop the bullying. So My mum did and the bullying stopped. 

                  

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Love Ava

xoxox